Author Archives: Kristi

Holy Week, Saturday

Yesterday we reflected on the brutal murder of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Despite what the people thought they were accomplishing, let’s not forget Jesus offered Himself as a sacrifice.

John 10: 17-18, The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life—only to take it up again. No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down and authority to take it up again. This command I received from my Father.

Today, Holy Week Saturday, there is a strange air stirring around us.  Like watching for a tornado or hurricane, the sense of impending doom is thick.  Eerie.  Deafeningly silent.  Because this time two thousand years ago, Christ was dead.

Before the clock ticks forward, I have to back up for a second.  People like to talk about who they would like to meet in Heaven.  I have a few people for sure.  One of them is lesser known than the other high-profile Bible names.  Enter Joseph of Arimathea.  He was rich.  He was a Jew and a member of the Sanhedrin; and he had become a disciple of Christ – a scandalous thing for a Jewish priest to do.

After Jesus died, Joseph approached Pilate and asked for Jesus’ body to give Him a proper burial on Friday night so as to avoid having His lifeless body hang there on the Sabbath.  Pilate granted his request.

Matthew 27: 59-60 – Joseph took the body, wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, and placed it in his own new tomb that he had cut out of the rock. He rolled a big stone in front of the entrance to the tomb and went away.

When I get to Heaven, I would really like to talk to Joseph.  Think about it, he had accepted Christ as His Savior.  The same Savior whom He was about to bury.  How must it have felt to bury one’s Savior?  The cross was a gruesome scene.  Joseph himself took Jesus down off of it.  That must have been a horrific task.  After the 39 lashes, chunks of skin and meat must have fallen off of Jesus as Joseph navigated His body down from the cross.  How did Joseph release Jesus’ hands and feet from the nails driven through them that sealed them to the cross?  Did he drive the nails back through Jesus’ flesh?  Joseph surely was a bloody mess from handling Jesus’ body.  Did he wash his clothes and wear them again, or did He never wash or wear them again out of respect and as a reminder of what Jesus endured?  Hmm.

When Joseph wrapped Jesus’ body in the linen, his hands surely dug into the insides of Jesus that were exposed from the flogging.  Recall that Jesus was unrecognizable – His face deformed from the swelling of His beard being plucked out, flesh missing, His body covered in dirt and blood.  What was it like for Joseph to remove the crown of thorns that had been gouged into Jesus’ head?  There must have been some small sense of satisfaction to undo the ridicule that the people had done to Jesus.  A feeling of justice for a dead man.  Did some of the thorns stick in His head and need to be hand-plucked like a mother removes a splinter from her child – careful, tenderly, in love?  Are you  still reading?  Can we stomach it?  I don’t think I can find words to understand what Joseph was feeling.  Every drop of blood shed, every point of agony Jesus suffered was for Joseph – and for you and me.  Joseph must have felt like an accomplice to the crime, since it was his sin, like everyone else’s, that cost Jesus His innocent life.  I know I do.

Jesus was wrapped and placed in Joseph’s personal tomb.  A boulder was rolled in front of it, symbolizing the finality of it all.  Joseph went away.  Did he go home?  Did he go pray in the temple?  Did he take a long, sobering walk lamenting over the day’s events?  So many, many questions.

I’m not the only one with questions.  Think about the disciples.  Could they be more confused?  Bewildered?  They thought Jesus was going to rebuild Jerusalem and they would be right there as His biggest campaign supporters.  Jesus was gone and so was their hope, dreams, and both their religious and political vision.  The disciples were gone, too.  All of them dispersed in utter confusion and fear.  Were they next?  Would they be hunted down and killed for following Jesus?  Not now.  Not yet.

One person stands out among the fleeing disciples.  Peter.  Always full of words and a dose of emotion, Peter was zealous, impulsive and at times he didn’t know when to stop talking.  Such was not the case at this point.  In fact, he tried hard to blend in and not say a word.  This, the same man who cut off a solider’s ear in haste in the Garden of Gethsemane.  Now, Peter wasn’t doing the talking – unless it was to deny Christ, his Savior – just as Christ had told him he would do.

Luke 22:54-62

54 Then seizing him, they led him away and took him into the house of the high priest. Peter followed at a distance. 55 But when they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and had sat down together, Peter sat down with them. 56A servant girl saw him seated there in the firelight. She looked closely at him and said, “This man was with him.” 57 But he denied it. “Woman, I don’t know him,” he said. 58 A little later someone else saw him and said, “You also are one of them.”   “Man, I am not!” Peter replied. 59 About an hour later another asserted, “Certainly this fellow was with him, for he is a Galilean.” 60 Peter replied, “Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. 61 The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times. 62 And he went outside and wept bitterly. 
Peter catches a lot of flack for his impulsive actions and chatty tongue.  However, are we much different?  How quick are we to disown Jesus when pushed into a corner?  Peer pressure at work, school, and in the neighborhood can tempt us to blend in like Peter tried to do.  Tough moral choices seep into the private parts of our hearts and whisper to us to follow the road more widely traveled.  Sometimes our faith is called out in front of many people when we are the only person against whatever everyone else is doing that we know is wrong.  Sometimes we are all alone, thinking no one knows but us what we are  contemplating.  Oh, but we are not alone.  God is watching.  He is not sitting on His throne with bulging bloodshot eyes, lightening bolt in hand – ready to strike us down.  He is cheering for us to make the right decision.  He sent His Holy Spirit to guide and direct us down the right path.  Jesus, our High Priest, always intercedes on our behalf.  We have all of Heaven watching and waiting and supporting us in the right thing!  So why do we feel so alone?  Like Peter.

The disciples didn’t understand Jesus’ teaching on raising the temple in three days.  They were looking with their physical eyes at physical structures.  No.  The temple was standing right in front of them – talking to them.  They knew not, and their hopes were dashed.

Have you ever felt that way?  Your world just fell apart, yet you are stuck living in it like be being trapped in a house of mirrors.  I have.  What do we do?  When things are at their very worst, do we accept or deny Christ?  If we look deeper at Peter, later, when Jesus had risen and was reinstating Peter back into the fellowship, Peter said he loved Jesus.  I believed he loved Him all along.  In the moment when Peter was warming himself by the fire, he was scared half to death.  He was in shock, confused, angry, frustrated, and probably sick to his stomach after watching his beloved Savior be snatched in the night like a common criminal.  Still, Peter denied Christ.

Today, let us inventory our hearts and expose the areas that we have denied Christ.  For some, you have never accepted Him.  Will you today?  In the figurative hour of Christ’s death – His body lying in the tomb, do you believe?  After all, we know the ending of the book – Christ indeed rises from the dead.  And we will celebrate that tomorrow with thankful, joyful hearts!  But, if you have never accepted Him as your personal Savior, you will not be at the party.  Easter dinner may be enjoyed, perhaps the Easter Bunny will have hopped to your house, and there may be family to share the day with, but this is your time to make it personal – to make Jesus Christ personal to you and become your Savior.

Jesus says in Revelation 3:20, Here I am!  I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.

How?  Romans 10:9-13, That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, “Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame.” For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

Perhaps you need to be reinstated?  Once saved, we never lose our salvation.  Nothing and no one can take it away from us, but perhaps you have made decisions that have denied Christ and led your life away from Him.  Christ wants you back.  He misses you.  God and Jesus have never ever stopped loving you.  There is nothing we have done that is beyond their reach.  Today, right now, listen to the One who calls you by name.  Are you wondering if the choices you’ve made have been even too much for God to love you, want you?  Read below the words of Jesus Himself…

Luke 15: 17-24  (Read the entire parable in Luke 15: 11-32)

17 “When (the lost son) came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.

   “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

   21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.[a]’

   22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

Did you know that in their day, a rich father would have never ran like that?  It was undignified!  When we understand the context of the parable, we are even more amazed at God’s love for us.  God and Jesus are not concerned with human standards – they love you and want you to come back to the family.  Will you?  As a believer, you’ve never stopped being part of the family…but you’ve been terribly missed.  How can you be brought back?

1 John 1:9, If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Today, we wait in eager anticipation for tomorrow’s celebration.  It’s not too late to join the party.  I pray you will.

Let’s put ourselves in the disciples’ shoes throughout today, feeling the despair they felt.  But, let’s also set our hearts up for a massive celebration that tomorrow will bring – and in fact, already brought two thousand years ago.  I’m smiling already.  But for now, as we lay out church clothes and look over the Easter menu’s shopping list, let’s not overlook what this day was for the disciples and those who believed.  It is bittersweet indeed.

<<Check out the companion song to this blog on my Tunes page!>>

Holy Week, Friday

Today is Good Friday. It’s hard to believe we are already at this point in 2012. This day signifies the darkest hour in Christ’s ministry on earth. Can we truly comprehend what He went through for us? I don’t think so.

Throughout the ages, Christ’s crucifixion has been painted, sketched, and sculpted. It has been expressed in a variety of artistic expressions such as Broadway plays, reenactments, movies, etc. Even in the most graphic of depictions, we still cannot grasp the true measure of horror He sustained out of love for us.

His beard was plucked out. He received 39 lashes (40 was considered a legal death) with tortuous whips and the like. He was humiliated, called names and spat upon. He was lied about, falsely testified against, denied by His people and abandoned by His friends. His hands and feet were nailed to wood. A crown of thorns was gouged into his head. He was stripped naked. He was laughed at, beaten, and beaten some more. He was plotted against, sold for 30 pieces of silver and traded for a murderous madman who won Christ’s innocent freedom. He was given an unfair trial, used as a political pawn, and His holy Kingship was made a public spectacle. He was offered bitter gall instead of water. He was forced to carry His own death contraption. He was denied food, sleep and fair representation. His clothes were gambled for, and He was sarcastically dared to save Himself. He was speared in His side. He was disrespected, despised, and dishonored. He neither fought back nor said a word in His own defense. He was mission-minded, solely focused on this purpose…obeying His Father and ransoming us with His blood.

These are only some of the agonies and sufferings Christ endured for us – you and me. How bad was it? So horrible that Jesus even asked God to allow Him to not to have to endure it. How loving and perfect is Jesus? He finished His request by submitting to God’s will despite knowing all that was about to take place.

Imagine what it must have looked like in the unseen realm. Picture the heavenly angels’ jaws agape as they watched helplessly on the sideline – just waiting for Jesus to give them the call to action. Picture the accuser and his minions cheering and jeering and mocking and taunting. Oh how silent Heaven must have been. How God must have agonized over watching His one and only perfect Son be the final blood sacrifice. He who didn’t deserve it in the least. Finally, God turns away – from Jesus. They have been in communion together since before time began, and now Jesus hangs alone on the cross – and He knows it. He was utterly, entirely, completely alone. Left to die. Yes, a few stood at a distance, but no one was beside Him holding His hand, stroking His cheek, kissing His brow. He hung alone. He, who is innocent, died a criminal’s death.

As He hung in the open air, carnivorous, scavenging birds circling His above His head, the world went about its business, feeling quite satisfied at the conclusion of His life. I think one thing that kept Him there, instead of calling the whole thing off in an instant (which He could’ve easily done!), was the thought of each of us. Did our faces pass through His mind? As He felt the weight of all of humankind’s sins press upon his shoulders, physically pushing down on the skin of His hands and feet, He knew every sin of every person throughout existence would commit. Did it all flash before His blood and sweat-stained eyes? Oh, the shame of it all.

But, did our faces also flash before Him? Did He feel a tug in His heart for us? I think so. He did not die quickly. He hung for hours. In those hours, did He remember our names? The Bible speaks of God remembering His children, having our names written on the palms of His hands (Isaiah 49:16), and keeping us as the apple of His eye (Psalm 17:8). Jesus, who is 100% God and 100% man, perhaps whispered our names under His breath This is for you, ________. Oh, the love of it all.

Scripture tells us that He didn’t even look human by the time it was finished. He was, indeed, unrecognizable. It hurts my head to try to comprehend it.

Today, wherever you are and whatever you are doing – hold Christ close to your heart knowing He went through everything so you wouldn’t have to. Yes, He loves you and me that much. Focus on what He did and why He did it. There is no skirting this dark day. As uncomfortable as it may be to go there in our minds, may our hearts receive the Truth that He would have done it all – even if each of us were the only person ever created.

Walk through Good Friday remembering Christ’s walk to the cross.

Scripture to meditate on…

;

Matthew 26 – 28

Mark 14 – 16

Luke 22 – 24

John 17 – 21

Isaiah 53:1-9 …

Who has believed our message
and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he took up our infirmities
and carried our sorrows,
yet we considered him stricken by God,
smitten by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all.

7 He was oppressed and afflicted,
yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,
so he did not open his mouth.
8 By oppression[a] and judgment he was taken away.
And who can speak of his descendants?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
for the transgression of my people he was stricken.[b]
9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
nor was any deceit in his mouth.

<;<;Check out the companion songs to this blog on my Tunes page!>;>;

Holy Week, Thursday

Today is Thursday of Holy Week.  Have you felt God stirring in your heart?  I have.  I am filled with a swelling of anticipation for what we will celebrate on Sunday, otherwise known as Resurrection Day!  Why does this day excite me?  I am a sinner saved by grace.  I have done nothing to earn my salvation; rather I received the gift of eternal life freely by believing who Jesus is and what He did for me – and for everyone.

Christ chose to make Himself the final blood sacrifice and stood in the place for each of us. I am overwhelmed with love and gratitude.  God, in His infinite wisdom, holiness, and righteousness, spared His wrath from us because He allowed His Son to bear it instead.  This awesome thought draws us to today’s focus…mercy.

God is mercy.  He created it and defines it.

How tender His heart must be!  He looks upon the earth and, despite its condition, still feels mercy toward it.  His children call Him by name, and He cannot forget them.  When we accepted Christ, He made a covenant with us, and since God is holy and sinless, He cannot go back on His covenant – even if/when we do.

I recall times over the years when each of my children have come to me crying over something they had done.  With sobs and crocodile tears, they fell into my arms with regret and seeking forgiveness.  I, too clearly, remember times as a child (and as an adult) when I have been the one upset to tears over bad choices.

As a child, I wanted forgiveness from my mom more than anything.  I absolutely needed to have it to sleep, to have peace and to have a re-do with her.  As a parent, my heart melts when one of my children earnestly come seeking resolution through confession and a sincere heart.  I am moved and cannot withhold my forgiveness – nor can I hold a grudge.  I look at them (discipline aside) and think, They have so much to learn.  May they learn from this and let it be a strength for them to make a better decision the next time they are in this situation.  I think God looks at us much the same way.

We are made in His image.  We, His children, are part of His family.  He wants us. He wants things to be right between Him and us.  He defines compassion, and pours it over our souls like a warm bath.  His mercy is the big hug a parent gives, the hand that wipes away the tears, and the words that say, I forgive you.

God is holy.  Accountability is a must if we want to grow in Christ.  But, we are spared the eternal penalty for our sins because Jesus paid our debt on the cross. God’s mercy allows us to approach His throne room, seek His face, talk with Him, and be with Him forever – never to be eternally separated again.

We don’t deserve His mercy, but in His love and holiness He bestows it on us anyhow because He forgives, forgets, and doesn’t hold a grudge.  What a good and mighty God we serve.

Scriptures to meditate on…

* Lamentations 3:23, Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

* Psalm 103:14, 

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.

* Deuteronomy 4:31, For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed to them by oath.

* Nehemiah 9:30-31, For many years you were patient with them. By your Spirit you admonished them through your prophets. Yet they paid no attention, so you handed them over to the neighboring peoples.  But in your great mercy you did not put an end to them or abandon them, for you are a gracious and merciful God.

<<Check out the companion song to this blog on my Tunes page!>>

Holy Week, Wednesday

Do you love a good deal on everyday products?  I do.  Coupons, BOGOs, % off, clearance, sales. I hardly ever pay full price for anything.  Full price these days seems obsurd in this economy.  Then there is the wheelin’ and dealin’ when it comes to buying cars, homes – big ticket items.  Negotiating is something I can’t stand to do.  My husband is good at it, though.  Even big stuff is talked down to levels (hopefully) that makes one sleep a little better at night.

Commercials scream sales, billboards boast the best for less, and radios loop bargains over and over.  The over-stimulus of it all is mind-boggling.  We are well used to getting good deals.  However, with God, there is no such thing as a sale, deal, or negotiating.  God is holy.  He cannot be dickered with, out-talked, dumbed-down, or anything else that negates the preciousness of His holiness.

What He commands is respect, holy fear (reverence), and obedience.  Have we lost sight of this?  We are used to getting something for nothing, or next to nothing.  That’s not at all what happened on the cross two thousand years ago.  For  thousands of years, the only rectification or atonement for sin was blood sacrifice.  Period.  No two-for-one, bonus days, or friends & family discounts.  Complete blood sacrifice – exactly the way God outlined it in the Old Testament.  In other words…full price.

Full price is exactly what it cost God to end the separation between Him and us caused by our sin.  Full price is what Jesus paid for every single human being.  For God, it cost Him giving His perfect Son up for us.  For Christ, it was being separated from His Father, charged and punished for sin He never committed, and in the process enduring unimaginable pain and suffering – without saying a word in His defense.

A cost that split the temple curtain (6 feet thick) in two from top to bottom; the sun hid in despair; the earth quaked in fear; and time was forever split B.C. and A.D.  A cost that changed the hearts of many priests who had spearheaded His death; froze guards into near dead men; moved a boulder; sent angels in tangible form; gave over 500 people a visitation from Christ after He rose again; and blew rushing wind of the Holy Spirit through closed rooms at Pentecost.

Full price.  Can we wrap our heads around it in this day and age?  Can we stop looking for a bargain in religion, wanting something for nothing, long enough to understand that it cost Christ absolutely everything to close the gap between God and us?  And, can we accept that what Christ demands from us is our all – even our lives?  Wow.  We’re used to being the negotiators.  Not this time.  Never.

Consider on this Holy Week of Wednesday that God is holy.  Step out of our norm and into the throneroom of God with reverence, respect and obedience.  We submit to His authority.  We humble ourselves in His perfect presence.  We worship Christ, who died so we can live, and He lives with us and in us.

God is holy.  Let’s meditate on this today.  Let it sink deep in our souls.  Let it sober our minds.  Let it pierce our hearts as we walk each day closer to the cross, with a better understanding of the price, the full price, it cost both God and Christ, to save us.

Scripture to meditate on…

* Isaiah 6:1-5 (Isaiah’s commission),

In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:   “Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory.”At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.“Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.”
Praise the LORD.I will extol the LORD with all my heart
in the council of the upright and in the assembly.

Great are the works of the LORD;
they are pondered by all who delight in them.

Glorious and majestic are his deeds,
and his righteousness endures forever.

He has caused his wonders to be remembered;
the LORD is gracious and compassionate.

He provides food for those who fear him;
he remembers his covenant forever.

He has shown his people the power of his works,
giving them the lands of other nations.

The works of his hands are faithful and just;
all his precepts are trustworthy.

They are steadfast for ever and ever,
done in faithfulness and uprightness.

He provided redemption for his people;
he ordained his covenant forever—
holy and awesome is his name.

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom;
all who follow his precepts have good understanding.
To him belongs eternal praise.

* 2 Samuel 24:18-19, 21-24 

On that day Gad went to David and said to him, “Go up and build an altar to the LORD on the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite.” 19 So David went up, as the LORD had commanded through Gad.Araunah said, “Why has my lord the king come to his servant?”“To buy your threshing floor,” David answered, “so I can build an altar to the LORD, that the plague on the people may be stopped.”22 Araunah said to David, “Let my lord the king take whatever pleases him and offer it up. Here are oxen for the burnt offering, and here are threshing sledges and ox yokes for the wood. 23 O king, Araunah gives all this to the king.” Araunah also said to him, “May the LORD your God accept you.”24 But the king replied to Araunah, “No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing.”So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen and paid fifty shekels of silver for them.
* 2 Chronicles 7:1-4  (The Dedication of the Temple)
 1 When Solomon finished praying, fire came down from heaven and consumed the burnt offering and the sacrifices, and the glory of the LORD filled the temple. 2 The priests could not enter the temple of the LORD because the glory of the LORD filled it. 3When all the Israelites saw the fire coming down and the glory of the LORD above the temple, they knelt on the pavement with their faces to the ground, and they worshiped and gave thanks to the LORD, saying,   “He is good; his love endures forever.”4 Then the king and all the people offered sacrifices before the LORD.

<<Check out the companion songs to this blog on my Tunes page!>>

Holy Week, Tuesday

This week is holy week for Christians all around the world.  Let’s spend this week intentionally reflecting on Jesus, what He did for us, and who He is to us.  Each day, we can take an aspect of our faith and contemplate on it throughout the day.  Whether in word, song, prayer, or written, join me in remember what this week is about (and it’s not just for spring break! :))

Today, the focus is on God’s love for us.  After all, He loved us before we loved Him.  Holy week brings us closer to the culmination of God’s love for us through Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection.  Today, we begin by focusing on the amazing Truth that God, who created the universe, loves us.

Here are some Scriptures to pray and meditate on:

Psalm 57:10 – For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. 

John 3:16 – For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Romans 5:8 – But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 

Ephesians 2:4 – But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 

1 John 4:10 – This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  

Today:

1. Acknowledge His love.  Either write down or simply tell yourself (or others!) three ways God has shone you that He loves you.

2. Thank Him for His love for you.

3. Pick one way to show Him your love in return.  Be creative!  Some ideas are…

* Forgive someone you’ve been holding unforgiveness toward

* Show His love by doing something nice for someone else

* Obey Him in an area you’ve been avoiding

* Simply praise Him!

As you move about your day, remember, God loves you.  It’s not a cliche, it is Truth.  Wrap yourself in it; surrender to it; accept it; savor it.  We’ll meet here again tomorrow to continue our faith jounrey through holy week.

<<Check out the companion songs to this song on my Tunes page!>>

Family Travel Review – New York City, Part 2 of 2

<<Continued from Part 1>>

4. Things to do:

* Apple store.  Toy store for adults.  🙂 Plan to spend some time in here, but there are many hands-on displays to keep the kids occupied.

* Hershey World in Times Square.  If you need a chocolate fix.  They offer varieties not often found in stores, give free samples, and if you agree to take their survey they pay in chocolate. Kids love this stop!

* Midtown Comics comic book store.  A secret hidden away off of Times Square.  Take the small stairs up to this amazing haven for all superheroes.  It feels like something out of a movie.  Very cool.

* LEGO store and Nintendo World in Rockefeller Plaza.  Go here when parents are ready to decompress for a while.  It’s also a good diversion from the site-seeing for kids – if they brought their spending money. J

* American Girl store.  This store has multiple floors, and you’d better like the color pink.  They have a restaurant with all the bells and whistles.  Nice bathrooms.  Pricey, but fun to do once with a special little girl or young lady or those wishing to relive their childhood. ;0

* Grand Central Station.  Fun to walk through and say you’ve been there.  Who knows, a flash mob may break out any time!

* We rode the escalators in Macy’s.  I’m not a shopper (and definitely not for those prices), so we just looked and left.

* Little Italy.  Prettiest at night.  A small strip that packs a big punch.  Lots of places to eat and shop.  Product prices are negotiable most places – great for a good deal!

* Chinatown.  We got lost here and wound up on a back street that smelled like rotten fish.  But, on the front side of the street it is amazing to see the different foods offered.  Definitely worth visiting.  Once, we approached a fire truck decked out Chinatown style and asked for a photo.  The firefighters were more than happy to let the kids jump up on the front bumper and these community heroes hammed it up for our photo.

* Ice skating – Wollman Rink versus Rockefeller Plaza.  Rockefeller is nice, but is small and always crowded.  We prefer Wollman Rink (owned by Donald Trump).  It is nestled in a picturesque setting in Central Park a short walk off the beaten path.  Typical skating prices.  Food is expensive for what you get.  There is a fee to watch and not skate.  This is a great rink and very fun to do in NYC.

* Staten Island Ferry – cheap and a break from walking.  Nice water tour – much less that the “official” water tours.

* Ground Zero – we visited in 2006, so there was still a lot of damage and construction was under way.  It bothered us that vending carts capitalized on this tragedy selling patriotic paraphernalia around it.  This is something very humbling to pay respects here, and we look forward to going back and seeing what it looks like now.

* Central Park playgrounds.  There are many playground scattered throughout Central Park.  A great way to let the kids run off some energy.  Map them online!

5. Accommodations:

If you can do it, stay in Times Square.  That’s where all the action is.  Our favorites…

We also have family nearby, so staying with them and day-tripping in is the best financially and more fun with more people!  When driving in, we take the Lincoln Tunnel, which spits us out at the mouth of a public parking garage “Park & Lock” on 42nd & Dyer St.  From there, we walk or take the subway.

6. Transporation:

Walking is cheapest and good for you. J Wear comfortable shoes.  I love my Lands End all-weather mocs (I have both brown and black – goes with anything I wear in NYC).  In this case, I think brand name does make a difference.  Then I add memory foam insoles in them by Dr. Scholl’s and I can walk the entire day without tired feet (which is typically 12hrs of walking with our crew).

Subways – we’ve personally never had an issue on any subway.  Some are definitely nicer than others, like the express subways, and some are pretty gross.  Once my shoe actually stuck to the floor and wouldn’t lift up.  Bleck.  But, as we make the most of our ride time discussing our next target stop, New Yorkers are very happy to help give us the best route, offer suggestions on where to eat, etc.  They are also very helpful picking from the myriad of subway routes.  Be prepared to get on at least one wrong line.  You get off and start over.  No biggie.

Taxis – We have only taken one taxi just to save a very long walk from upper Manhattan to lower, and yeah, it was kind of fun.  The taxi driver laughed at me as I was feeling all Law &Order-ish zipping in a taxi  through the streets of NYC (that was on first trip there – now we plan our routes better).

Personal vehicle – when we drive in, we tour the city at the end of the day at our leisure.  It’s free except for gas and lets us get a scope on what we want to further explore next time.

7. Dress code:

Yep, anything goes.  On our first trip, I asked my husband, who periodically travels on business there, what I should pack to “blend in.”  I didn’t want to stand out as a tourist.  He smiled and said, “It doesn’t matter what you wear, because the camera hanging around your neck gives you away.”  Rats.  He also said, anyone who walks down the street looking up and around at the sites – tourist.  Oh well.  Still, I dress seasonally, but try to step it up a notch to help camouflage the camera.

Useful Apps – Have2P (it locates nearby restroom facilities) and subway apps.

We’ll add more as we return back to this beloved city as we tend to return to our favorites and add one or two new things each time.  We hear there is a great fish market and zoos to visit.  Can’t wait to go back!  We’d love to hear your favorite finds!

Next review, Orlando, Florida.

Family Travel Review – New York City, Part 1 of 2

With summer around the corner, Another category is being added to the blog that I’m excited about…Family Travel Review.  Here, I’d like to offer our family’s two cents advice on what has worked, and not worked, while traveling as a family.  It’s a compilation of our trips and others who have shared their experiences.  Feel free to add posts with what works and what to avoid.  Everything below is family-friendly!!

Let’s start with a favorite – New York City!  This is a city that we just love to visit.  We’ve been going there for years and have some favorites to share.  Maybe they’ll become favorites to you, too!  As we continue to go back to the city that truly never sleeps, we’ll update the blog.  There’s a lifetime of things to do here.

New York City with the family:

Yes, it is possible to take children to NYC and have a ton of fun.  Some tips on how to make the most of your time there…

1. How old should children be to go to NYC?  We waited until our children could carry their own small backpacks and have good walking legs.  We didn’t want to bother with strollers or carry anyone, no way!  The more people in a group, the more water bottles, snacks, wallets, etc., which makes for a back-breaking experience.  When every can carry their own stuff, it’s so much easier on the parent.  We bought “travel backpacks” that are used every trip.  They are simple, inexpensive school-like backpacks.

2. Plan ahead.  There is so much to do there, make a wish list – then cut it in half.  Hey, it’ll give you an excuse to go back!  In an ideal world with no lines, no traffic, no oversleeping, and no crowds one could attempt to check everything off on his or her list.  But, that’s just not the case.  Realizing an activity really takes 1.5 – 2 times as long as it ideally should, helps a family go into a busy trip to NYC with more realistic expectations and cooler attitudes.  It’s vacation, after all, and should be enjoyed. J

Keep in mind the group with whom you are traveling.  I remember our most recent trip last fall, we wanted to check out the Guggenheim.  We took a subway as close to it as possible, with the idea of walking to the Gugg, then walking to our favorite ice skating rink (I’ll share that later).  Once we finally got to the Gugg, the majority of the crowd (children) were less than impressed.  We wound up touring the gift store and leaving.  Ug.  Then we walked a LONG way to ice skating. By the time we got there, the adults were too tired to skate.  The walk was gorgeous, and made for great chat time, but to do it over again, we would’ve skipped the Gugg with the kids and saved that for a later date.  So keep in mind what and where you want to spend your time.  View online maps and arm yourself with hours of operation, reservations, if needed, and subway strategies.  Your homework will pay off.

3. Restaurants:  There are a bagillion places to eat in NYC, and many are very kid-friendly.  We are pizza connoisseurs – okay, pizza snobs.   Our family’s favorite?  Lombardi’s.  Oh man.  It’s a small joint that serves up big pies.  Pizzas are coal-fired with a sweet sauce and real mozzarella slices melted on top.  There is no other pizza anywhere like Lombardi’s.  The waits are never bad (we beat the normal dinner crowd and get there before 6pm) and there is seating on the roof for spillover.  People there say NYC pizza is the best because of the water that is used in making the dough.  Whatever it is, it’s so good!  John’s Pizza is good too, and one location is a renovated church with stained glass ceilings – which is really cool.  If you’re looking for a traditional pie, this is a great place.

* Junior’s.  The serve a rockin’ breakfast!  Actually, all of their food is really great.  If you like cheesecake, you have to try Junior’s.  They have indoor/outdoor seating, very cool atmosphere, casual, and it’s right down the street from Broadway so often people watch a show then head to Junior’s.  My children’s favorite memory of this incredible restaurant is when we went to just have dessert.  For a family of five, it was less expensive to order an entire cheesecake than by the slice.  So we did.  But, we had leftovers, obviously.  We took the other half back to our hotel room and stuck it in the mini fridge.  We were checking out the next morning, so yes, we had cheesecake for breakfast.  The kids still remember – the day Dad & Mom let us have cheesecake for breakfast!

* Street vendors.  Some of our best meals have been on the street.  It’s hard to walk by and not be taken in by the smell of hot dogs, curry chicken, peppers & onions, pretzels, etc.  It’s mouth-watering.  It’s also affordable.  We like to grab a meal, take a break and people watch.  It’s almost better than sitting inside a restaurant because we can see all the action outside.

* Smith & Wolensky.  You gotta get the seafood tower (big enough for the whole table).  It’s out of control and the rib eye is one of the best steaks you’ll ever have.  Career wait staff – excellent service!  Pricey.  A total NYC experience. (Submitted by my husband who went their while on business.)

* Ferrara Café.  This jewel of a find is in Little Italy.  The atmosphere is busy and the ambiance very NYC Italian.  The desserts are mouth-watering.  They offer just about anything Italian you can imagine.  Pricey.  But, it’s worth the splurge.  We usually go there once while there.

* Peanut Butter & Co.  We haven’t visited this establishment yet, but we buy their products in our local grocery store.  VERY delicious!  White chocolate, dark chocolate, maple, cinnamon swirl – all varieties of peanut butter.  Next time in NYC, we will definitely go there and check it out.

4.  Things to do:

* Carriage ride through Central Park.  You gotta do this once.  It’s pricey, but my family really enjoyed this.  The clip-clop of horses meandering through Central Park, breathing the familiar NYC air, it’s part of the experience.  Afterward, we chatted with the SPCA division of the police force giving an impromptu check on the horses.  The horses are clean and well-cared for, but it made me feel even better to hear that from the police force.

* Empire State building.  Another must!  Buy tickets early or be prepared to stand in line half a block long (at least).  The main tickets get you to the main viewing floor (think Sleepless in Seattle).  An additional ticket takes you to the very peak on a separate elevator.  We did both.  We found that the additional money to the tip top wasn’t worth it.  It’s small, cramped, and the windows are fogged up.  It felt just like being on a boat in the cabin underneath.  And, there is only one elevator, so once you’re ready to leave, be prepared to wait a very long time.  But the main floor viewing was awesome.  Great photo op, windy, and even King Kong makes an appearance for a photo op.

* Statue of Liberty.  Yes, you must.  It’s patriotic! We took the ferry from the Jersey side, which is less-traveled.  Very good idea.  What we didn’t realize was the never-ending security process.  It took us about 3 hours to get through it (albeit it was July), then we could actually begin enjoying Lady Liberty.  People are no longer allowed to climb up it like they used to, but there is a museum experience inside it that’s cool.  Bags are not permitted, so what we didn’t realize when we skipped lunch to catch the ferry, was that we’d have to wait hours and hours to eat – not good with smaller children.  All in all, glad we did this!

* Broadway show.  We splurged once and saw The Little Mermaid.  Unbelievable!  The props, acting, the whole shebang.  Such a great experience.  I was surprised at how casually everyone dressed.  Everything from jeans to dresses.  Catch a show if time permits.  Tickets, sometimes reduced, are on sale in Times Square for same-day shows if you feel the mood.

* Metropolitan Museum of Art – spectacular.  No way to see it all in one visit.  Better for older children.

* American Museum of Natural History  – so worth it!  Great for kids of all ages.

* Enjoy the go! by Charmin.  Nicest bathrooms in all of NYC.  Big-screened tv’s, music, lots of wait staff standing around.  This sounds ridiculous, but bathrooms can be really hard to come by.  Most times there is a line down the street to get in Charmin’s.  If you pop into a restaurant, be prepared to purchase something for the privilege of using their facilities.

* Toys R Us versus  FAO Schwartz.  Definitely Toys R Us.  FAO is small, over-priced, and not as conveniently located as Toys R Us (in Times Square).  Skip the huge piano keyboard at FAO (which has very long wait lines and kids don’t know what to do on them after 5 seconds anyway).  Toys R Us is 4 stories, complete with indoor Ferris wheel.  They have live demos of the latest toys, bathrooms, and every toy imaginable.  I never thought we’d take time to visit a toy store in NYC, but this is more of an attraction.

<<Check back tomorrow for part 2 with more attractions, accommodations, etc.!!>>

Goodnight, God

Dear God,

You’ve brought us through another day.  Your hand provided, your mercy comforted, and your sense of humor lightened the load.  Thank you for the blessings you richly give – love, peace, contentment, patience, humor, grace, and joy to name a few.  I’ve thought about you a lot today.  Everytime I whispered a prayer, I knew you heard it because your Presence was with me.

I can’t really explan it, but every time I needed you most, you were right there before I could even call to you! Quietly, calmly, tenderly working; the hand of the Potter on the clay.  Thank you for giving me the stamina and passion for the day. No matter what I had to do – I know you and me, we did it together.

Thank you for giving me wisdom and discernment to make big decisions today.  It was your steady presence that helped me remain steady.  When something near to my heart spontaneously brought me to tears, you were right there with your hand on my shoulder telling me you know, you see, you care about broken hearts, and you understand – when no one else does.  You let that moment not ruin the rest of my day.  Thank you.  When another familiar moment came that stings my heart, you were right there, Master Surgeon, soothing its pain and replacing suffering with deep contentment and peace for which I have no words.

For the times today that were rich in fellowship with friends and family – you let me deeply experience their love towards me – fully.  I am blessed beyond words with those you have brought into my life.  Our time together is water for my soul. Their love & friendship reminds me that they have my back – as do you.

You allowed me to see the kindness of strangers, twice today.  Both times brought me immense joy!  There is still good in the world, because it’s your world, God, and you are here about the business of it.

I have no idea how you did it, but you let me accomplish all that had to be done today in record time!  You made the work of two people, done by one, managable.  Thank you.

For the gift of today.  Your love.  Family.  Friends.  Good health.  Hard work.  Kindness of strangers.  Laughter and sharing with those who love me and I them.  Thank you.

You are good, God.  Not just for what you do, but for who you are.  We praise you because only you are God!  There is no other name greater.  All the time, you are good.

It’s night and the world it quiet – for just a little while.  We rest in your presence and in your peace.  Two things the world cannot take away.  You are everything to me.  If you choose to bless me with tomorrow, we will tackle the issues, savor the victories, and share every single moment in between together.  Not a breath do I dare take without you.  Nor would I want to.

You hold the plans. I hold your hand. And that is what sweet dreams are made of.

Goodnight, God.

Bedtime reading…

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

Chasing the acorn

My blog is all over the place!  The topics seem disjointed and unconnected.  Well that’s about right, as that is where my head is these days and is suiting for today’s entry.  Have you ever seen the short movie by Ice Age where the prehistoric squirrel incessantly chases an elusive acorn?  He tries so hard, but the acorn is just out of reach, or slips through his hands, every single time.

This is exactly how I have felt recently.  Bug-eyed, frantic, and even desperate for my acorn.   My acorns are different things on different days.  One day it is more time.  If only I had 2 more hours, I could catch up to life!  I would love to have my acorn of long Bible study times where the hours just melt away unnoticed.  It may also be sleep.  Just…sleep.  There are days when I count down the hours until my head meets the pillow once again.  Other times it is an uninterrupted conversation with my husband.  Not email, texts or voicemail; face-to-face time with my man sharing our days, hearts, ideas, and dreams.  Simply laughing together and being totally unproductive.  Ahh.   Or it may be sweet time with my children.  Not “do your homework, clean your room, take out the trash, do the dishes, pick up your shoes, don’t fight with your sibling, you’re wasting water in the shower” kind of time.  I mean tender moments cuddled on the couch asking how their day went.  Laughing over private family jokes after dinner.  Long, slow walks sharing dreams and asking the deep questions of life.  Still other times my elusive acorn is time all by myself, or a full-length conversation with a dear friend (even over coffee – bonus!).

So why aren’t I pursuing the things that are most important to me?  What are the circumstances standing in the way?

Sometimes the circumstances are out of my control.  Unexpected illness, car problems or others’ needs arise that I must handle.  But for the most part, I believe it is a flaw in how I arrange my days.  I think I figure that if I take care of the many little things, then I will have time for the big things.  However, that seldom proves to be reality, because there are truly endless little things to be done.  And, I put more on the day than it can handle.  I get so micro-managed that there is no wiggle room.  Today, for example, I was unavoidably detained trying to get somewhere, and I was running late as it was, and was delayed by something completely out of my control.  I grew more anxious with every second I waited and wound up giving myself a bad attitude and a whopping headache; and instead of attaining my acorn I wound up the one feeling like a nut!  Ha!

This leads me to brainstorm the things I can change.  I can take a few things off my list every day.  What’s left, I can organize into categories:  today, soon, whenever I can get to it.   Simply moving the proverbial peg from today to whenever I can get to it takes a whole lot of pressure off myself to perform above what the day can allow or I can handle.

I can also prioritize what is on today’s list according to my life’s priorities – God, family, everything else.  Hmm.  That would really shake things up!  I can give myself more wiggle room in the day for the unexpected things that seem to pop up at the worst possible times.

The fact is, we all get 24 hours in a day.  If we could bend time and squeeze another hour or two out of it, we’d only fill those up as well and be right back where we began – chasing the elusive acorn.

What’s your acorn today?  Maybe it’s more than one?  Are we chasing only our acorns – or someone else’s?

Everyone I talk with shares the same frustration and exhaustion.  It’s not a woe-is-me conversation, it’s a I’m gonna drop if something doesn’t give kind of conversation.  We must all look like that pathetic prehistoric squirrel – heart beating out of its chest, grabby fingers grasping for the impssible dream of catching, and enjoying, our acorns; panting, sweating, running and getting nowhere closer to our acorns.

Stop.  Sit still.  Breathe.  Breathe deeper.  Let the feeling come back to our fingers and toes.  Heart rates slow down and return to normal.  Mental fog dissipates.  We see things more clearly.  We can pray.  We can think.  We can act – not merely react to life.

The biggest proactive step I can take in organizing my day is, and it’s not a cliché, to give my day back to God.  He’s the one that gave it to me in the first place.  I can seek Him and His purposes, which are far bigger than mine.  When I’ve got my eyes on Him, He leads me down the paths He has chosen for me for these 24 hours since before time began.  Trust, relinquishing control, and faith are welcome traveling companions for the day.  When I seek His kingdom first, He provides some of the big things that are so important to both Him and me, because He has a lot more willpower to say no to the things that really don’t matter – the busy work I get bogged down in – than I ever will.

For the rest of this day, and for the days to come, I will reset my focus on Him, not on the to-do list.  God is the center of contentment – whatever the circumstances.  And smack dab in the center if His will, not mine, is where I want to be.  Try it with me!

Scriptures to think about…

Jeremiah 6:16, This is what the LORD says: “Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. But you said, ‘We will not walk in it.’

Matthew 6:33-34,  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Jeremiah 29:13, You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 

Psalm 119:32, I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free.  

James 4:13-17, Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.”  Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.  Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”  As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil.  Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins. 

Paslm 37:5, Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. 

Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

Mark 14:36, “Abba, Father,” (Jesus) said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”

<<Check out the companion song to this blog on my Tunes page!>>

Spittin’ image

It was a hot, hurried day.  I needed to get in and get out of the large store quickly in order to meet a deadline.  At long last, I found a coveted parking space.  Pulling in, I looked up and saw a man walking to his car.  I turned off my engine and stared at him.  He never saw me.  I couldn’t take my eyes off of him…he looked just like my dad.  So many different emotions stirred in my heart.  I lost my dad to cancer a couple of months ago.

I simply watched this man load his car and drive away – wide-eyed at how much they look alike both physcially and in their mannerisms.  Seeing this person put my mind back in the hosptial during the last 2 days of my dad’s life.  It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.  We brought the kids, though we had many offers to let them stay back.  It was our 4th trip to see him in 3 months – shortening the window with every declining turn of his health.  We received an email from family saying, “Come now.”  We knew this was it.   On a Tuesday afternoon, I threw some clothes together, called my dear friend to take the dog, Bruce literally stood up from his desk at work and left for home.  I ran carpool from school, and in an hour we were out the door and on the highway.

All of us stood around my dad’s hospital bed and tried to think of positive things to say.  He labored with every struggling breath.  I tried to understand the medcial jargon about his condition, but much of it just rolled off.  We knew the inevitable.  I had something else I wanted to talk about with him.

My mom was only in my life for the first sixteen years before she died.  My dad – just the last eight.  It’s a God-story of redemption, forgiveness, and re-do’s.  For now, I will say we’ve had a wonderfully close relationship for these eight years, and I can’t imagine them being over so quickly.

The kids held his hands, maneuvering around the tubes and needles attached to them.  My daughter put on her granddaddy’s beloved baseball cap on her head and it made him smile.  Our first visit with him was pretty good.  He was able to speak a word or two between heavy breaths and could at least mentally track with the chatter in the room.  We stayed until 11pm and were so tired after a full day, a highway’s drive, and several hours of visiting; so we left to find a hotel for a little sleep.  Finally, we found one with availability.  We got to bed around 12:30am and were back at the hospital that morning.

We arrived to find out he had almost passed during the night.  This was a totally different person lying in the hospital bed.  He was much worse.  The kids knew, too.  They kissed him on the cheek, held his hand, and spoke softy to him.  The oygen machines rumbled loudly in the background.  Although some of us were fighting colds, the nurse said we needn’t wear the safety mask so we could spend some priceless face-to-face time with him.

What do you say to a dying man – who is your dad?  I was at a loss for words as I choked back tears.  I prayed that God would give me the right words.  After my prayer, I looked up and saw my dad’s Bible on the bed tray.  That was the answer.  I picked it up and thumbed through it to any highlighted passages he may have noted.  Indeed, we found some.  I read as many as I could find, standing over my limp, quiet dad.  God spoke to my heart to read Psalm 23.  After reading it, his wife looked at me with wet eyes and said, That is my favorite Scripture.  I didn’t know that, but God did.  He even met her need in that tender moment.  It was precious time.  God is good.

With my husband, kids and one stepsister in the room, I asked everyone if I could have a moment alone with my dad.  They were much obliged.  I sat on the edge of his bed, trying hard to not let his labored breathing get the best of me, and leaned in close to his ear so he could hear me.  This would be the last time I would get to talk with him this side of heaven, thus, I was tied up in knots and didn’t know what to say.  God spoke to my heart and encouraged me to say what I needed to.  So I did – respectfully, to a dying man.

I gently placed my hand on his arm and said, I’m so sorry this is happening to you.  I’m sorry I can’t fix this.  He raised his head, turned toward me, and looked at me with crystal clear eyes.  Though all morning he could not show a repsonse, in that moment, he was all there.  Our eyes caught, mine welling with tears.  I continued, No one knows how long they have on this earth.  But, I need to ask a favor of you.  If you get to heaven before me, will you please tell Mom that I love her?  I burst into tears (something I rarely do) and began to beg.  This is really important.  I need you to do this for me.  Will you promise?  He nodded his head yes.  Thank you, I replied with relief under my breath.  There was something else I needed to say.  I love you.  It was the first time I had ever said it eye-to-eye, with heartfelt sincerity.  He nodded again and mouthed, I love you, too, back to me. He passed away just hours later.

As I sat in my van in the large parking lot, staring at a stranger, the door to my grief began to rattle.  After my dad died, we came back for his memorial service, then it was one thing after the next including Christmas, New Year’s, my husband’s surgery, another family death, pneumonia for one of our children, our car broke down, a back injury for me, etc.  Literally, every day was a new crisis.  We are coming out of crisis mode, thankfully, but I am left with the stark realization that I haven’t even begun to morn his death.  I’m stuck in phase one of grief – shock & denial.  He was sick for a short time, and I am dazed and stunned at the fact that he’s gone.  He was just teaching our children how to give the car a tune-up under the hood a couple of months before.  He was wrestling, being silly, winning in chess, and enjoying Mexican food and hot sauce – his favorite.  Now there is a quietness that can’t be shaken.  His name is still on my emails and on my cell phone.  I can’t seem to bring myself to change them.

Eight short years.  My tears are not over the past and what was, they are over the future and what will never be in this lifetime.  Seeing that man, who could’ve been my dad’s twin, created a fault line in my heart that cannot be denied.  Yes, I will grieve.  It will take time.  A lot of time.  My family history is complicated, but God is the Master Healer and He can make sense of the things in this world that make no sense.  I may not ever understand it all, but that’s okay.  I find peace resting in God’s hands as my dad rejoices in His presence.

Scripture to ponder…

1 Corinthians 13:12, Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.  Now I know in part; then I shall know in full, even as I am fully known. 

Revelation 7:17, For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water.  And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.

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