Good morning God,

Wow.  It’s today.  The day.  A day that marks the end of a season – an era.  A time in which I’ve wanted nothing but to be obedient to You, but often wondered if I was doing a good job.  Wondering if I was measuring that “good job” against what the world says is good, or what You say.

I accepted this task with curiosity and a sense of adventure, and what an adventure it has been!  There were more precious memories made than I could have ever imagined.  I felt sky-highs and valley-lows.  There were times when I felt so capable and courageous, and other times I couldn’t find one thing right I did in the entire day.

You were there for all of it.  The challenging, the rewarding, the mundane and the wild ride these last years have been.  I have felt much angst and worry over the responsibilities I was given, but because You constantly reminded me that You were with me, I could pass the overwhelming emotions on to You so I could concentrate on the task at hand.  Thank You for having arms big enough to carry every single one of my concerns and fears.

The journey You have led me on has produced a different person within myself.  I have never felt more loved and accepted, but I have never been more aware of the weaknesses in me.  You blended both together to create someone who believes a little more that You do love me just as I am, and that You want to flesh out what is not of You, so that Your light can shine all the brighter.

There have been many laughs, some tears, and countless memories made.  I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything in the world.  Each moment – a step closer to You.  This year, in particular, stretched me farther than I thought I could without breaking.  However, I broke and am broken.  Losing my dad in the midst of the work You set before me, and my husband’s surgery, my mother-in-law’s cancer and my back injury and the necessary work on our home in the midst of the chaos, You heard every doubt I had about doing a good job with the task You gave me.  I came to the end of myself emotionally every single day, but not once did You leave me feeling alone.

You moved heaven and earth to show me, in small and large ways, that You see, You hear, You know – and You know how to meet the need.  Through the loving, kind words and deeds of others, You whispered to me, This is from Me, too.

The chapter on this season is closing.  I find myself wondering what is next?  I want to know, but then again, I am a little afraid to ask.  Ignorance is bliss, right?  Perhaps I won’t ask You, and find peace in You revealing it in Your time.

I will miss these days.  Terribly.  I will always doubt how well I did my job, but I will never doubt how well You did Yours.

I trust that Your checklist is complete, though mine isn’t.    But then again, mine will never be – perfectionist that I am.  You are Grace.  Mercy.  Love.  Those three truths about You cover what I feel are my failures.

I have learned so much about You, life and Your plan over the last three years.  Ephesians 3:17-19 have truly come to life in my life on this journey –

…And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 

I have learned that Your will really does precede mine, even when I push for what I want.  You work for our best interest, and sometimes that required trust to have faith in Your plan.  You taught me the depth of John 3:30 –