Monthly Archives: June 2012

It’s All Gotta Go

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17

This weekend, my husband and I had the most fabulous time.  They were the best 2 dates we’ve been on in a while.  What did we do?  I’m glad you asked. 🙂 We…drum roll please…gutted the garage!

Doesn’t that sound fascinating?  Seriously, I am thrilled.  What began as a small pile of stuff, who knows how long ago, grew to a vast sea in which one would nearly break his or her neck to maneuver around.  I’m not sure how this happened.  Well, okay, I know.  Little things here and there that we didn’t know what to do with, coupled with no time to deal with it, led up to a space that was downright frightening because we didn’t know what could be lurking in the shadows of this dark space.

It’s no coincidence that this was how we spent our time this weekend.  As I wrote in Friday’s post, Dear God, God is transitioning my family into a new phase of life.  With that comes change.  With change comes the need for adjustments in life – tangible and intangible.

In order to be available for whatever He has next for us, we have to be ready.  Tangibly, our affairs in the garage and attic are not in order.  Have you ever felt like you just couldn’t add one more thing to your already overloaded life?  That there wasn’t time or energy to give one more new thing?

That’s exactly where I am, and so to rectify this, I have to begin with ridding the old so we can welcome the new.  Yes, it was a marvelous feeling to finally sort through the mysterious room of secrets.  As adventuresome as it may sound, most of it wound up in the back of my husband’s car to go to the dump.  (We shared a good laugh, okay, maybe I laughed at his expense, that he has to drive this dump stuff around in his car for four days before being able to go to the dump.  It’s disgusting, and he has meetings with work that may involve others seeing said stuff.  Yikes!  His six-seater is currently a two-seater.  He is a really good sport!!  Major hubby points awarded.)

This dump stuff consists of broken things we thought we could fix someday and leftover parts we just knew we could repurpose.  We had to realize those things are simply not a part of our lives anymore – they had to go.

Speaking of, we had a filing cabinet that moved with us over 15 years ago.  For that long, we weren’t sure what was in it, but it was full.  Bruce finally drilled out the lock this weekend and we found a treasure-trove of history: my original high school driver’s ed. certificate, electric bills from the 90’s, cancelled checks from almost 20 years ago, even paperwork from my beloved grandfather who passed away in 1994 – crazy!  We made a fire to “celebrate” and burned it all.

And the trash!  What in the world?  How did that happen?  Strips of drywall, various cuts of spare wood, an irreparable radio, and other oddities added up to a monstrous pile.  In our defense, we do all of the home improvements we possibly can ourselves.  We’ve laid all kinds of flooring, built stuff, painted stuff, Bruce is handy with electrical and plumbing, we refurbish and refinish, so with all of that comes an array of tools and supplies that bulk up the garage.  At this point, however, much of what is left are good intentions run a muck.  The whole thing has driven my allergies crazy!

Once everything was cleared out, we put up some shelves and arranged only what is absolutely necessary in orderly fashion.  The bulk of the work was deciding (admitting) what we had to let go of in order to move forward.  After all, arms can only hold so much.

The same clean-out is happening in my intangible life.  My heart and mind.  God is making me go through some piles in my mind and eliminate all that has nothing to do with my life now and where He is leading me.  God is showing me what I have to let go of – unhealthy memories, inadequacies, failures, fears, even some people, because hearts and minds can only hold so much.

If I drew a picture of everything I’ve allowed to build up in my heart and mind, dare I say, it would have looked much like my garage.  Little things pushed to the back of my mind that I didn’t have time or energy to deal with at the moment grew to a large pile of mental clutter weighing down my heart.  Broken dreams and expectations, even failed relationships, that I thought could be repurposed.  Refurbished.  Repaired.  No.  God is doing a new work with new parts.  Not to say He won’t or can’t repair things in us, absolutely, but when He does the work, He makes them new.  No fractures filled with Super Glue; no hearts wrapped in duct tape; no caulking the gaping holes of failure in our history.  When God restores, He makes all things new.  We weren’t meant to look pieced together like Frankenstein.  We were created to be whole and healed.  Don’t you love that?

I may feel like Humpty Dumpty in my carnal nature, but God sees me a a seamless, beautiful masterpiece because it is His hands who are forming me, creating me in His image (Philippians 1:6; Ephesians 2:10).

Some things in my mind’s eye, however, were hard to part with because because they had been with me for so long.  But you know what?  Those things, like harsh criticism from others, mean words, guilt, self-defamation, reliving embarrassing moments I wish I could erase, self-deprecation…and did I mention guilt…serve no purpose in my life now.  Where is there room for that on my mental shelves?  No.  That stuff belongs in the dump.

I realized there is also stuff taking up precious space in my heart; boxes that hold past hurts, self-imposed suffering, pain purposefully inflicted by others, and oozing wounds of a bleeding heart caught in the crossfire of faith and sin.

To our horror, we discovered a rodent of some kind had found our bag of birdseed and had been squirreling away in pockets all over the hidden parts of our garage.  Gross!  We found sunflower seed shells in small piles in the most unexpected places.  Likewise, when we don’t address the unhealthy stuff that builds up in our minds and hearts, we give the enemy a foothold – a bread crumb trail to follow to our most inner thoughts and feelings.  He will take full advantage of this and will invade space in our thoughts that was never supposed to be his (1 Peter 5:8-9).  Eradicate the bread crumb trail.  Remember, we’re not in this alone.  God isn’t afraid to go ahead of us into the dark corners of our hearts.  He shines His glory on them to unearth our original beauty and function and gives us courage and strength to face what we’ve been avoiding.

Indeed, my heart and mind did resemble my garage.  But, today is a new day and God has set my feet on a new path.  However, unlike the hours and hours of labor Bruce and I spent sorting, lifting and loading, God simply says of my heart, Give Me your hurt and exhaustion.  I will take it from you (Matthew 11:28).  I will cast your sin as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).  With the suffering in your life, give Me your pain.  I am strong enough to carry it – you are not (Hebrews 4:14-15).  Trust Me to know what stays and what goes (Proverbs 3:5-6).

A new day.  A new way of thinking.  A new person emerging.  Healthy.  Healed.  Whole.  Some truths to remember…

Admonishment builds up. Unhealthy criticism breaks down.  Colossians 3:16-17; Hebrews 3:13

God lovingly disciplines those He loves.  We are not called to beat ourselves up.  Proverbs 3:11-12

Think about praiseworthy things.  Don’t dwell on bad memories or things we can’t control.  Philippians 4:8

Give God our pain and brokenness.  In return, He gives us comfort, gladness and dancing. Isaiah 61:1-3

Grow in wisdom, and don’t dwell on past ignorance. Proverbs 2:1-11

Give God our anxiety.  He wants us to rest in His peace.  Philippians 4:6-7

Think I’ll go stand in my garage today and take in the sights.  While I’m there, I’ll thank God for doing the same work in my heart.  He is so good.

That’s Not Me This Time

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  Psalm 62:5

Yeah!  It’s Sunday!  So happy to rest today.  Right now, there are birds outside my window jockeying for the best position on the bird feeder.  They are fluttering, singing and racing to see who gets what.  I say, Go for it.  I’m too tired to be that today in my life.

What a week.  A good week, but an exhausting one.  Thanking God for the Sabbath.

Hope to see you back here tomorrow for more real…deep…stuff!

Enjoy this selah day,

Kristi

Culinary Quest #7 – Banana Blueberry Bread

Blueberries are in season, and that means they are delicious at their peak and most economical (I bought them BOGO this week!).  They are great stirred into yogurt, whipped into a smoothie, or just eaten by the handful.  But, combine their tender goodness with warm banana bread and it’s a perfect match.  This marbled bread is also pretty.  It looks like it wants to be eaten. 🙂

Some breads can be overloaded with oil and sugar, making them a hybrid of bread and cake, and I feel guilty serving them for breakfast to my family.  I was able to keep the granular sugar at a reasonable level because of the natural sweetness of the bananas.

What we especially enjoy about this bread recipe is the dense, moist texture of the banana bread, yet it’s not “wet”  so it holds together nicely.  The texture is more like a pound cake, but healthier than one.  The banana flavor is tasty enough on its own.  Add the blueberries, with their juices, and a beautiful balance of sweet and tart, dense and moist perfectly compliments the crunchy top of golden crust and oats.

This recipe makes two loaves, so perhaps keep one and give one away! It also freezes well.  Great for summer mornings, work on the run, or you can make them into muffins or pour into a 9×13 dish and cut into small squares for a crowd.  Let’s get baking…

Banana Blueberry Bread

3                             eggs

3/4c                        oil

1 ½ c                      sugar

1t                            salt

2t                            cinnamon

1t                            cardamom

1 ¼ t                       baking powder

3t                            vanilla

3                              ripe bananas

3c                            flour

3c                            blueberries

1/2c                       oats (divided)

************************************************************

Preheat oven to 350 (325 convection).

In mixing bowl, cream eggs, oil & sugar with electric mixer.

Add salt, cinnamon, cardamom, baking powder & vanilla.  Mix.

Peel bananas and break into large chunks and add to bowl.  Mix.

Mix in flour just until incorporated.  Like all breads, don’t over mix or the bread will be tough & rubbery.

Using a large spoon, blend in blueberries.

Pour into 2 lightly greased loaf pans (or muffin, casserole dish, etc.)

Sprinkle equal parts (½ c each for loaf pans) oats over bread mixture.

Using a clean, dry hand, press the oats into the mixture so they stick to the bread and won’t flake off once bread is cooked.

Bake for 1hr 25 minutes (or until testing stick comes out clean) for loaf pans.  Reduce baking time depending on which pan you use (about 20 minutes for muffins and 9×13).

*** Freezing tip: My grandmother had a great trick for freezing breads.  Wrap them in plastic wrap, then wrap them in newspaper.  She did this for our wedding cake and it was just as fresh on our 1 year anniversary as it was on our wedding day!

Dear God

Good morning God,

Wow.  It’s today.  The day.  A day that marks the end of a season – an era.  A time in which I’ve wanted nothing but to be obedient to You, but often wondered if I was doing a good job.  Wondering if I was measuring that “good job” against what the world says is good, or what You say.

I accepted this task with curiosity and a sense of adventure, and what an adventure it has been!  There were more precious memories made than I could have ever imagined.  I felt sky-highs and valley-lows.  There were times when I felt so capable and courageous, and other times I couldn’t find one thing right I did in the entire day.

You were there for all of it.  The challenging, the rewarding, the mundane and the wild ride these last years have been.  I have felt much angst and worry over the responsibilities I was given, but because You constantly reminded me that You were with me, I could pass the overwhelming emotions on to You so I could concentrate on the task at hand.  Thank You for having arms big enough to carry every single one of my concerns and fears.

The journey You have led me on has produced a different person within myself.  I have never felt more loved and accepted, but I have never been more aware of the weaknesses in me.  You blended both together to create someone who believes a little more that You do love me just as I am, and that You want to flesh out what is not of You, so that Your light can shine all the brighter.

There have been many laughs, some tears, and countless memories made.  I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything in the world.  Each moment – a step closer to You.  This year, in particular, stretched me farther than I thought I could without breaking.  However, I broke and am broken.  Losing my dad in the midst of the work You set before me, and my husband’s surgery, my mother-in-law’s cancer and my back injury and the necessary work on our home in the midst of the chaos, You heard every doubt I had about doing a good job with the task You gave me.  I came to the end of myself emotionally every single day, but not once did You leave me feeling alone.

You moved heaven and earth to show me, in small and large ways, that You see, You hear, You know – and You know how to meet the need.  Through the loving, kind words and deeds of others, You whispered to me, This is from Me, too.

The chapter on this season is closing.  I find myself wondering what is next?  I want to know, but then again, I am a little afraid to ask.  Ignorance is bliss, right?  Perhaps I won’t ask You, and find peace in You revealing it in Your time.

I will miss these days.  Terribly.  I will always doubt how well I did my job, but I will never doubt how well You did Yours.

I trust that Your checklist is complete, though mine isn’t.    But then again, mine will never be – perfectionist that I am.  You are Grace.  Mercy.  Love.  Those three truths about You cover what I feel are my failures.

I have learned so much about You, life and Your plan over the last three years.  Ephesians 3:17-19 have truly come to life in my life on this journey –

…And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 

I have learned that Your will really does precede mine, even when I push for what I want.  You work for our best interest, and sometimes that required trust to have faith in Your plan.  You taught me the depth of John 3:30 –

He must become greater; I must become less.

You even reiterated a Scripture many of us would like to skip over, Philippians 2:14 –

Do everything without complaining or arguing,

You kept Your promise in James 1:5 –

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 

I celebrate You, God, and that we made it to the finish line – together.  You have been my Coach, Manager, and Cheerleader.  The work You have done is amazing.  I sit and marvel at the beautiful finish You have given me the privilege to see.

I choose to rest in knowing that You will provide for me on the days when I want to run back to this race instead of the next one that waits for me.  When I stop and think about how much I will miss parts of this journey, my heart swells and a huge lump forms in my throat.  I think to myself, I can’t take the next step.  I want things to stay just as they are.  But they can’t because we are different people now and thus, You have a different race for us to run.

You are moving on to the next venture, and I must willingly pack up my memories, wrap them with tender heartstrings, and carry them as I follow You.

I choose to stay obedient to You, Lord.  It’s not easy sometimes, because my heart gets in the way.  I have such a hard time of letting go what I hold so dear, but You say to hold out an empty hand in expectancy of what next You will bring.  I guess it’s hard for me because moments like this remind me just how short life is and how fast it moves.

But then again, with that I am also reminded that this life is not all there is.  There is another place, another home, another life waiting for me.  One that will never end.  Thank You.

So, God, here we are.  A day of celebration of what You have done – and what we have done together.  Thank You for these years, months, days and moments.  Thank You for letting me keep the memories of them as I pack up what is no longer needed, to make room for what You are bringing next in this amazing race.

I choose to trust You.  You know the ways in which I need to feel Your presence most, and You are faithful.  Psalm 117:1-2 tells me so –

Praise the Lord, all you nations; extol him, all you peoples.  For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord.

Praise You, I will.  Gladly.  You have given me three of the best years of my life!  Not without hardship, heartache and a lot of hard work, but full of Your presence, joy, peace and faithfulness.  You are so good.

I give You this day of celebration.  You gave today to me, and I offer it back to You as an offering of these years.  May Your love shine bright, Your peace overflow and the magnificence of Your resplendent goodness be the energy of every moment, word and deed.

Precious Lord, the book of Jude says best what my heart feels, verses 24 & 25.  Thank You…for everything.

To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.