Author Archives: Kristi

Culinary Quest #2 – Garbanzo Bean Soup

When I was little, my mom used to treat my sister and me to a rare visit at an upscale Spanish restaurant. They had the best garbanzo bean soup and pumpernickel bread in the world!  My mom also loved their flan (I couldn’t get past its texture). Actually, those three things are all I knew they offered.  I didn’t even know they had a menu because she never asked for one. Why? Too pricey. I was an adult before I knew they had things like paella, seafood, and chicken & rice. That’s okay, because their soup and bread was the best.

After my husband and I got married, we moved into our one-bedroom apartment while working our way through college. I missed the taste of my childhood – including the garbanzo bean soup. So, I set out on a culinary quest to recreate it. After much experimenting, I did!

It’s super easy and freezes well.  Hope you like it, too.

Kristi’s Garbanzo Bean Soup

1 bag               dry garbanzo beans/chick peas (same thing)

1 large            onion (sweet); diced

1 bag               frozen (or fresh) mixed fresh pepper strips (red, green & yellow); diced 

2 pkgs            Turkey Polish Kielbasa links, fully cooked; sliced into bite-sized pieces (I use Butterball brand – no MSG)

2 boxes         chicken broth (I use Wolfgang Puck’s all natural stock) – 32oz each

1 box              beef broth (Wolfgang’s) – 32oz

1T                    dried parsley

Directions:

1. Soak beans for 3 hrs in a large bowl of water (enough to cover beans while absorbed)

2. Drain beans & discard water

3. Add all ingredients to crock pot and cook for 5hrs on low then 2 hrs on high (or until beans are soft and onions are translucent)

<You can also soak the beans overnight and reduce cooking time to 5 hrs on low>


Favorite Fifteen! 15 things I love about being a mom

*** This just in!  For all of you wonderful people who prayed for my mother-in-law’s surgery yesterday, she came through it well.  We don’t know any of the details, but if I start getting weak in the knees I’m going back to the Scriptures from yesterday’s post!  Thank you for your prayers, emails, posts, texts and phone calls.  We appreciate them!

Okay…15 things I love about being a mom-in no particular order 🙂

*  I can convince my kids to dance with me in the middle of dinner.

*  “Say yes to the dress” while snuggling with my daughter on the couch.

*  When my tween son looks at me, his eyes sparkle and gleam with love that only a son can give.

*  My kisses possess magical power to heal hurts and hearts.

*   My high-school son keeps the notes I slip into his school lunch.

*  I have been blessed with this motley crew of humans that God put together under one roof who accept me just as I am.

*  All of our family’s private jokes.  Priceless!

*  I have dozens of pet names for my kids.  They know them all and answer to them!

*  They trust me and know I’ve got their best interest at heart.

* Performing an animated solo flash-mob to my teenage daughter while the grocery store’s overhead speakers played Whitney Houston’s song, “I will always love  you” in the middle of the checkout line last night.  The clerk laughed as I walked out with my arm around my sweet thing serenading her all the way to the van.

*  We’re not afraid to talk about the tough stuff.

*  The smell of their freshly washed hair.

*  Watching them grow into amazing young adults.  What a privilege.

*  They give me an excuse to drop everything and have a pillow fight in the living room!

*  No one else but my family would want to live with me! 🙂


I could…

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.  Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  ~ Hebrews 4:14-16

Good Thursday morning,

Today, I could tell you that I woke up with my stomach in knots.  But, I didn’t.  I could tell you that I am worried sick over today’s events, but I’m not.  I could tell you that I’m freaking out inside over walking a familiar road – one I never wanted to walk again.  But, I won’t.

Today, a beloved family member is having surgery.  Surgery that makes my skin crawl and tempts me to throw hope out the window and only listen to statistics. Surgery that possesses the power to completely alter the future of our family.  I have a personal, deep-seeded hatred for the disease that necessitates this surgery.

How do we respond when life brings an unwanted package to our door?  We didn’t ask for it, order it or want it.  It sits at our door nonetheless, and no one is able to take it away.  It must be accepted.  It must be opened.  What do we do?

Well, we could deny its existence, but that doesn’t lessen the reality of it.  We could sit and stare at it, but that gets us nowhere.  We could try to discard it, but it’s too heavy to lift.  Dear Lord, what do we do?

What we won’t do is cave.  We won’t crumble under helplessness.  We won’t give in to worry.  We won’t admit defeat before the battle has barely begun.  We won’t hysterically throw our hands up in the air and lose our senses.  We won’t shake an angry fist at God saying, It’s all Your fault!

We pray.  Oh, I am not talking about the cliche Christian answer to life’s problems.  I’m talking about tapping into the Holy Spirit inside us to intercede on our loved one’s behalf (Romans 8:26).  We call on the authority in the name of Jesus Christ, to proclaim God’s sovereignty over our loved one (2 Corinthians 12:9).  We exercise our faith muscle knowing God sees all and is in all.  We call on Christ as our High Priest to intercede for her.  We, with boldness because of salvation and grace, approach the throne room of God and ask for the sparing our loved one’s life.

Our family’s strength and sanity is wrapped in the goodness of God despite the circumstances.  We know He is passionate about our loved one.  We know He never takes His eyes off of her.  More than coming up with feelgood statements, or reaching for some false hope that the world tries to wrap as truth, we stand on God’s Truth.  Real, solid, biblical Truth.

We’re praying Scripture over our loved one today.  If you’ve never done this before, it’s basically personalizing Scripture in the form of prayer.  It is not changing the context of the Scripture itself, rather it helps give us words when we can find none of our own.  Let’s go…

* Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with (Salli) wherever (she goes).”  Joshua 1:9

* Even to (Salli’s) old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain (her). I have made (her) and I will carry (her); I will sustain (her) and I will rescue (her). Isaiah 46:4

* May your unfailing love rest upon (Salli), O LORD, even as (she puts her) hope in you.  Psalm 33:22

* ‘“The LORD bless (Salli) and keep (her);  the LORD make his face shine upon (her) and be gracious to (her); the LORD turn his face toward (her) and give (her) peace.” Numbers 6:24-27

* …And I pray that (Salli), being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that (she) may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  Ephesians 3:17-19
* (Salli ) lives by faith, not by sight.  2 Corinthians 5:7

* God speaking – “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget (Salli)!  See, I have engraved (her) on the palms of my hands; (her) walls are ever before me.  Isaiah 49:15-16

* Keep (Salli) as the apple of your eye; hide (her) in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 17:8
* God speaking – “For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” 2 Chronicles 16:9
***********************************
The following is Scripture that Salli is claiming for her life.  She shared it with us, and I am sharing it with you.  
Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair. So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”  When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”  John 11: 1-4
Only God knows the future.  We know He is good all the time and nothing happens that hasn’t passed through His hands first.  He doesn’t create bad and evil events, but He does provide a redemptive plan for them.  Please listen to me.  God promises His children absolute healing.  This healing will either be in our lifetime or in the one to come.  We have prayed for Salli and released her into God’s hands.  She WILL see healing.  We ask that it be now, in this body, selfishly for our benefit because we love her, but also so she can continue to share her story of what God has already done for His glory through this illness.  As believers in Christ, our lives are not our own.  We relinquished all control when we accepted Christ as Savior.  We know He is always working for our good.  I think we get tripped up when our definition of good does not match God’s definition. After all, our definitions of “good” can differ person to person throughout the world.  There is only one God, and He is good in the most holy, pure, omnipotent, faithful, loving, tender and righteous way.  We rest in who He is and in knowing He loves Salli even more than we do.  As the old hymn sings, it is well with my soul.
<<Check out two companion songs to this post on my Tunes page!>>
My personal prayer for Salli.  Psalm 139: 1-18

 1 O LORD, you have searched (Salli)
and you know (her).
2 You know when (she) sits and when (she) rises;
you perceive (her) thoughts from afar.
3 You discern (her) going out and (her) lying down;
you are familiar with all (her) ways.
4 Before a word is on (her) tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem (Salli) in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon (her).
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can (Salli) go from your Spirit?
Where can (she) flee from your presence?
8 If (she) goes up to the heavens, you are there;
if (she) makes (her) bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If (she) rises on the wings of the dawn,
if (she) settles on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide (her),
your right hand will hold (her) fast.

11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide (her)
and the light become night around (her),”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created (Salli’s) inmost being;
you knit (her) together in (her) mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because (she) is fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
15 (Her) frame was not hidden from you
when (she) was made in the secret place.
When (she) was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw (her) unformed body.
All the days ordained for (her)
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to (us) are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were (we) to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When (Salli) awakes,  (she) is still with you.

What a letter, a camera and a ride in a car have in common

One warm afternoon, I stood in my front yard watering my flowers.  I noticed my neighbor, a few doors down, pacing on her driveway.  Her unusual demeanor caught my attention.  With arms folded and head down, she walked back and forth on the driveway, frequently straining her neck to look down the street. Eventually, the postal truck stopped at her house.  Her anticipation grew as it was obvious she was waiting for something to arrive in the mail.

Arrive it did!  The postal worker barely got to her mailbox when she asked for the letter to be given directly to her.  I expected her to race into the house, but she didn’t.  Instead, she made it about three steps, then tore open the envelope and eagerly read the contents.  Her eyes were fixed on the paper and her mind focused on the words.  Her stance – totally still.  Her hands firmly gripped the mysterious paper.  She couldn’t read it fast enough.  She was lost in the moment and never even never noticed me.

Recently, my favorite camera met its untimely demise on a family trip. It was accidentally knocked off of a table onto a cement floor.  The lens is trashed.  Ug. And, of course, the three-year warranttee expired last month.  Okie dokie.  So, I either get it fixed (not cheap) and be left with an unwarantteed camera for the next accident, or we buy a new one with a new waranttee.  We opted for the new one  because I use my camera all of the time.  With it came a lens, memory card, two instructional dvds and a big instruction book.  I must confess, although we weren’t in the market to camera shop, this new one is so cool!  It has many updated features compared to my old one.  This time, I told myself, I want to know all of the secrets this camera possesses.  I am going to watch both instructional dvds and read the instruction manual over and over until I know how to fully utilize this tool.  I won’t quit until I completely understand my new camera, unlike my last one that had features I never figured out and sat on automatic most of the time.  I am so excited to have this camera as a fully functioning tool in my life.

The other day, our dog was in an extra pouty mood.  She knew we were going to carpool and gave me the biggest doe eyes you’ve ever seen.  Tail down, ears down, she begged to go with us.  Okay, I finally caved, you can come.  Let’s go!  She instantly perked up, raced out the house and jumped into the van.  With her head proudly sticking out of the window, fur blowing in the wind, taking in every sight and smell, she was so excited to be with us.  Truth is, she just loves to go with us not matter where we’re going.  She’s been water rafting, hiking, camping, and beach-combing with my family.  She’s been on long car trips to visit family as well as short jaunts to the grocery store.  To her, it doesn’t matter where she’s going as long as she is with us.  If she sees her leash and food bowl get stacked on top of luggage – oh my – she can hardly contain herself! Actually, she’ll just go ahead and jump in the van before we’re ready, take her favorite seat and wait for us to load up.  She’s a mess.

So, what do these three stories have in common?  They were all used by God to show me what He wishes He had with His children – with me.  The day I watched my neighbor nearly trip over herself to get the mail, He nudged me that He wished I was as eager to hear from Him.  He wished I would hang on His every word, totally focused on Him.  He desires intimate communication with us every day. Who are we more like?  Are we like my neighbor who couldn’t even wait to reach her door to open the envelope and had to read the letter right then and there?  Or are we like who I was just today – casually sauntering to the mailbox, slowly walking back to my door while sorting through the stack, disappointed I didn’t see anything very interesting, therefore leaving the pile of mail on my counter until tomorrow? How precious are His words to us?  Do we wait for them?  Hang on them?  Hold them close to our chests and breathe in the joy of Him connecting with us?

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.  Psalm 130:5-6

With my camera, I was totally convicted that I got way more excited about reading the instruction manual and watching the dvds about how to use my new tool, compared to my sense of self-obligation to read the Bible every day.  Isn’t that terrible?  But, I’m being real.  It’s not every day I feel this way, but sometimes I find myself creating busy work because I don’t want to commit the time and energy to reading, absorbing, and putting into practice what the Bible says about daily living.  My carnal nature wants to stay in automatic mode.  I don’t always want to know the spiritual functions of living.  I want to stay within my habits and not begin a new normal.  If I could just catch the same excitement over reading the Bible like I do reading my camera manual, what would my life look like?  I LOVE the Bible.  I am fascinated, encouraged, and inspired by it.  But my pesky human nature fights me on it.  Just settle with what you know, I hear it say to me.  If I’m not willing to settle with automatic mode on my camera, I should not be okay settling for automatic mode in my life. The Bible has far greater purposes to teach us, and more than feeling privileged to even own a camera, I should feel grateful and thankful to own a Bible.

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.  2 Timothy 3:16-17

That dog of mine.  How she makes me smile.  God used her furry self to show me how much I need to be like her when it comes to being on the move in service for Him.  Okay God, I’ll go here, but not there, I’ve said to Him.  Or, Um, God, I’m sorry, but I’m not willing to go anywhere that involves moving from my home, I told Him for years.  I’ll do this job, but don’t ask me to do that job, I’ve audaciously spoken. Why is being willing to go with God such a painful request?  I know why.  I like normal.  I don’t like change at all.  I like stable.  I like comfortable.  I don’t fully trust God that what He has planned for the future may actually be better than today.  I’m not a huge risk taker.  I like spontaneous…under controlled circumstances.  I’m a total contradiction.

I want a heart that begs and pouts to come with God – no matter where He is going.  I want an overwhelming sense of joy – as if hanging my head out the window smelling the smells and seeing the sights in sheer delight – in being a part of whatever He is doing.  Why do I have to know where we’re going before I’ll even consider obeying?  Why does He have to work on me to want this?  I want to desire, like my dog, the opportunity just to be with Him.  My, oh my.  I could learn a lot from my dog.  Her total devotion to me.  Her blind trust that where I am going is okay with her.  Her excited attitude that she gets to ride with Mom – no matter how close or far the trip.  I need to be more like that.  If I see God packing up my things, I shouldn’t have to ask where, when, or for how long. I want to get to a place in my journey with Him to just jump in the van, take a seat and wait for Him to drive.

Then (Jesus) said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.“    Luke 9:23

So, a letter, a camera, and a car ride.  Which are we? God wants a personal relationship with us.  He desires to be a part of our every day.  Actually, He wants to be the biggest part. He has hidden treasure for us to find in our adventure with Him – about Himself, about ourselves, and about this great big world in which we live.  Are we willing to go deeper, be vulnerable to Him, and trust Him?  How much of the passion that drives our energy is directed toward God?  Today is a new day.  I love mornings, because they remind me that God is a God of second chances.  Of new beginnings.  Of hidden potential.  Of our Creator’s crazy, radical love. Love for you and me.  Let the adventure begin.

<<Check out the companion song to this post on my Tunes page!>>

The Call

Psalm 34:6 – This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.

This month marks the two year anniversary of one of the most shocking experiences in my life.  It is the month we almost lost our son in a freak accident during school.

I’ll never forget it.  I was on my way home with my other two children when my cell phone rang.  Isn’t it odd how our instincts know when the call is bad?  Wary, I answered.  It was our son’s teacher.  He told me that there had been an accident during P.E. and our son needed stitches.

Okay, I’ll be right there, I replied.

I changed the direction of the van and immediately drove to school.  Upon arrival, I was startled to see his head wrapped in gauze because  I didn’t understand what had happened at that point – only that I needed to take him to the hospital.  I called my husband and got his voice mail.  We have a system of calling to identitfy an emergency, but up to that point we never had to use it.  This was not a false alarm.

He called me back and said, You used our emergency system, is everything okay?

No, I answered.  There’s been an accident.  Meet us at the hospital.

He abruptly ended his conference call, left work and met us at the hospital.  The doctor removed the school’s bandages, and we all got a first look at the injury.  My knees grew weak.

There was a very large, gaping hole in my son’s face.  We could see all the way up and deep into his tissue.  What in the world?

My son suffered an impalement, and it nearly cost him his life.  Any other trajectory of the object, and it could have easily resulted in a permanent  impairment or fatality.  He could have easily loss his sight, his hearing, his nose or his teeth.  Worse, it could have killed him.  Oh, when I think back to it my stomach turns.

Miraculously, after weeks of pain, the only visible reminder left is a large scar.  He was literally millimeters from death, and God spared his life.  He made a full recovery – all praise and glory to our Lord!

Times like these remind us of how precious life is, and how easy it is to lose it. We are also reminded that God has a plan, and even though we live in a fallen, sinful, hurting world, God is above all and He can make something good come from something bad.  For our son, he was very grateful for the show of care and concern by classmates he thought didn’t care at all about him.  He was humbled by the love shown by family and friends.  Our son saw firsthand the power of God and intervention in his life.  He has used his story many times to give witness to the saving power of God.  He allowed God to work in his life, and this incident made him stronger in his faith and in his daily life.

When bad things rock our world, we become stronger or weaker.  Bitter or forgiving.  Soft-spirited or hard-hearted.  It’s our choice.  For our family, we know and rest in the assurance that God sees all, knows all, and nothing can happen that has not passed through the hands of our Father. God doesn’t create bad.  He is the Author of good.  So many times in this world, God gets dubbed the bad guy. God is good.  God is holy.  God is loving.  He cannot be both bad and good at the same time.  However, He does allow bad things to happen – but not without a redemptive plan.  The Garden of Eden was the only perfect paradise on earth, and we simply don’t live in that world anymore.  However, God can radically work in our lives – for our good – if we let Him.

Do we understand why bad things happen?  No.  I don’t have answers, explanations, or justifications.  I only know that God can bring good out of bad and can spare us hard hearts if we allow ourselves to be pliable in His hands.

I don’t take this persepctive because we had a happy ending.  If you’ve read my other blogs, you’ve seen that there have been many times in my life that did not result in a happy ending this side of Heaven. This doesn’t mean I can’t find joy in my every day.  Sometimes what happens in life isn’t our choice.  But, how we respond is our choice.  I encourage you to seek God and ask Him to work in your life and show you the glory of His redemptive power.

If you are also thankful today for a near miss, a sparing of life, for a loved one or yourself, celebrate with me with the verses below.

Daniel 3:13 – Furious with rage, Nebuchadnezzar summoned Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. So these men were brought before the king…16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. 17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. 18But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

The king’s command was so urgent and the furnace so hot that the flames of the fire killed the soldiers who took up Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, 23and these three men, firmly tied, fell into the blazing furnace. 24 Then King Nebuchadnezzar leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, “Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?” They replied, “Certainly, O king.” 25 He said, “Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods.” 26 Nebuchadnezzar then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, “Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!” So Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego came out of the fire, 27 and the satraps, prefects, governors and royal advisers crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them. 28 Then Nebuchadnezzar said, “Praise be to the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, who has sent his angel and rescued his servants! They trusted in him and defied the king’s command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own God.

 Exodus 14:10-14, 26-29 – As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the LORD. 11 They said to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? 12 Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!” 13 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” 26 Then the LORD said to Moses, “Stretch out your hand over the sea so that the waters may flow back over the Egyptians and their chariots and horsemen.” 27 Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and at daybreak the sea went back to its place. The Egyptians were fleeing toward it, and the LORD swept them into the sea. 28 The water flowed back and covered the chariots and horsemen—the entire army of Pharaoh that had followed the Israelites into the sea. Not one of them survived.  29 But the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left.

Acts 16: 22-23, 26-30 – The crowd joined in the attack against Paul and Silas, and the magistrates ordered them to be stripped and beaten. 23 After they had been severely flogged, they were thrown into prison, and the jailer was commanded to guard them carefully.26 Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody’s chains came loose. 27 The jailer woke up, and when he saw the prison doors open, he drew his sword and was about to kill himself because he thought the prisoners had escaped. 28But Paul shouted, “Don’t harm yourself! We are all here!” 29 The jailer called for lights, rushed in and fell trembling before Paul and Silas. 30 He then brought them out and asked, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?”

 Acts 28:1-5 (After the northeaster storm and shipwreck) – Once safely on shore, we found out that the island was called Malta. 2 The islanders showed us unusual kindness. They built a fire and welcomed us all because it was raining and cold. 3 Paul gathered a pile of brushwood and, as he put it on the fire, a viper, driven out by the heat, fastened itself on his hand. 4 When the islanders saw the snake hanging from his hand, they said to each other, “This man must be a murderer; for though he escaped from the sea, Justice has not allowed him to live.” 5 But Paul shook the snake off into the fire and suffered no ill effects.
Zephaniah 3:17 – The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save…
With a grateful heart,

Kristi

Two weeks

But encourage one another daily, as long as it called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:13

It’s Monday.  Although I am thankful for each and every day, I can’t remember when I’ve been more thankful for a Monday.  Our family is coming off of one of the busiest weeks we’ve have in a long, long time.  Honestly, I don’t know where we left off in life before last week.  One thing I do know is that I’ve missed my husband.  Our lives went in opposite directions, literally and metaphorically.  One week felt more like a month.

Yesterday, I had a powerful conversation with a friend.  He talked about the last two weeks with his wife before she passed away.  It’s been a few years since she died, but it was obvious his heart was still so tender toward her.  I listened to his spoken words and body language as he choked back tears and shared his story.

He told me that the last two weeks they had together were the most impactful to him.  They talked about everything, leaving no stone unturned.  My takeaway?

He said, What would marriages, this world, be like if husbands and wives knew they only had two more weeks together?

All of a sudden, the little, annoying things in life really just don’t matter.  One would find the courage to confront the big things, the elephants in the room, and take them on.

Two weeks.  What would our lives look like?

I already missed my husband, but this conversation made me miss him more.  I told him just this morning that I am looking forward to today – a Monday.  Because life will, hopefully, settle back down to whatever our normal looks like.

I’ll hold him a little tighter, smile a little more, make eye contact when we speak and listen to him a little longer.  And, I will be thankful for what we have and live like we have two more weeks – knowing we are not even promised tomorrow.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 – Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

Colossians 3:12-14 – Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 

What Earth Day and the Sabbath have in common…

Through (God) all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.  In him was life, and that life was the light of men. John 1:3-4

For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.
Exodus 20:11

Today is Earth Day, a day meant to appreciate nature and its contribution to the world.  Moreover, it is the Sabbath, our day of rest.  There are so many amazing things God has made.  Animals show off His magnificent, creative genius; foliage boasts His resplendent, omnipotent knowledge; the sea & land spout His brilliant imagination; and people – they reflect His loving, tender heart.  God made all and is in all.  While we appreciate Earth Day, let’s give the glory to the one who made the earth and everything in it. Let’s go back to the source of both the earth and resting.  For that, we turn to Genesis…

Genesis 1

The Beginning

1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. 2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

6 And God said, “Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water.” 7 So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. 8 God called the expanse “sky.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day.

9 And God said, “Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear.” And it was so. 10 God called the dry ground “land,” and the gathered waters he called “seas.” And God saw that it was good.
11 Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so. 12 The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. 13 And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day.

14 And God said, “Let there be lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark seasons and days and years, 15 and let them be lights in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth.” And it was so. 16 God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars. 17 God set them in the expanse of the sky to give light on the earth, 18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And God saw that it was good. 19 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.

20 And God said, “Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky.” 21 So God created the great creatures of the sea and every living and moving thing with which the water teems, according to their kinds, and every winged bird according to its kind. And God saw that it was good. 22 God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth.” 23 And there was evening, and there was morning—the fifth day.

24 And God said, “Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. 25 God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.
26 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

27 So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.

28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
29 Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so.
31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

Genesis 2: 1-3

 1 Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array.

2 By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. 3 And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.

Happy Selah Day,

Kristi

Culinary Quest #1 – Strawberry Shortcake Trifle

Yeah!  It’s Saturday!  A day for exhaling, maybe sleeping in a little, no make-up, running shoes, and hopefully doing something you really enjoy amid projects and work.  Two things I enjoy are baking and cooking – depending on if my mood is sweet or savory or both!

I was in the grocery store yesterday and a huge display of strawberries caught my eye and smelled so good.  It’s great when produce hits its peak season because the price drops!

Every spring, my family looks forward to a special treat – homemade strawberry shortcake trifle.  I just couldn’t resist those small, red juicy treats begging me to take them home yesterday, so trifle here we come!  Thought I’d share our version of this classic spring & summer dessert:

Strawberry Shortcake Trifle (serves about 12)

5           quarts of strawberries; washed, de-stemmed & cut in half (reserve the biggest, best berry uncut w/stem)

3/4c    sugar

3T        flour or cornstarch

1           angel food cake or individual sponge cakes

12oz   whipped topping

*************************************************

Directions for the sauce:

Place 2 quarts of berries in a sauce pot, covered, on low/med heat until they begin to boil. Stir occasionally.

Once they begin to boil, turn heat to low, remove lid, and cook until they have thickened a bit.

Remove from heat and beat the flour or cornstarch into the cooked berries with an electric mixer until smooth.

Put the sauce pot back on low heat and cook until thick. Stir occasionally.

Pour into a bowl, cover, and refrigerate until cold (at least an hour).

Assembly:

Cut the angel food cake (or sponge cakes) into cubes.

Layer 1/3 of the cake in the bottom of a trifle bowl or large clear serving bowl.

Pour 1/2 of the sauce over the cake.

Add 1/2 of remaining fresh, halved strawberries.

Add 6oz of whipped topping in large dollops.

Repeat layers, finishing with whipped topping.

Taking the whole, reserved berry, cut the berry in slices – not all the way through – just to the stem.  Fan the berry’s slices on top.

The sauce is also great on pancakes, waffles, over ice cream, etc.  Frozen strawberries can be used for the sauce if fresh is not available.  Other berries can be substituted.

Have a sweet day!
Kristi

Props

Since my youth, O God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. ~ Psalm 71:17

We’ve spent several days talking about the life of a teen – the good, the bad and the ugly. I’ve offered up some personal examples in hope that, in some small way, someone else can relate.  Before ending this series, I would be remiss if I didn’t give God a shout-out for the amazing things He did in the midst of tragedy.  Today, I simply want to say thank you to Him by telling of His good works.

All of the events in my teen life (which only some have been shared on this blog for the sake of time) were shocking to me.  Most of them I never saw coming.  I was emotionally startled at every turn.  God knew how hyper-sensitive I had become to the instability in my life, and He stepped in one day in a most unique way.  I had a dream.  I was in a room with pale blue walls and dark brown furniture.  It had a big window.  It was quiet.  I didn’t know where I was, but it was calming and unsettling at the same time.  In my dream, I walked around the room looking at everything in detail.  I turned to close the door, and behind the door there was a cross with Christ hanging on it.  I thought to myself in the dream, Jesus is here – He is in this room.

Shortly after the dream, my mom had surgery.  I’ll never forget the moment we were told they couldn’t get all of the cancer, and her long-term prognosis was grim.  She was placed in a hospital room post-op.  I walked down the sterile maze of halls to find her room and entered it.  I had not just entered a hospital room, but a new phase with my mom.  Everything rode on her surgery.  We were waiting for the good news that she was on the other side of this.  That we were on the other side of cancer.  Such was not the case.  This phase was dark and terrifying.  Oddly, however, the room felt familiar to me.  I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it felt like I had been there before.  As she lay in bed, unaware of our presence, I scanned the room with quizzical curiosity.  Then it dawned on me.  Perhaps I had been here before – in my dream? I walked to the door and slowly began to look behind it thinking there was no way.  Yes way.  There it was…the same exact cross with Christ hanging on it. I knew then the gift God had given me.  He absorbed the shock value for me by letting me walk the new room, the new phase of life,  in my dream first.  Most importantly, through the same cross, Jesus reminded me that I was not alone – He was there with us.

Months later, on what would be my mom’s last Valentine’s Day, a guy I was dating at the time, (he was a bit older than me and was in the service) and I talked about how she was going to be all alone.  My sister had gone out for the evening, and I felt terribly guilty for leaving Mom to go out with him.  He surprised both my mom and me with a change in plans.  He came to our door with not one, but two huge bouquets of flowers – one for her and one for me.  He surprised us and told us that he’d be taking both of us to dinner and a movie!  And he did.  Even in the movie, he sat in the middle of us with an arm around each of us.  She had not felt that in a long time.  Afterwards, he took down the top of his JEEP and took my mom on the ride of her life.  He had her laughing and screaming and hanging on tight.  She had so much fun, and I enjoyed every second of watching her smile more than she had in many months.  He is a Christian, and truly the love of Christ shone through him.  It is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for our family.  God really was my mom’s Valentine that year.

A few years later, I was in college and wasn’t sure what major would be best for me.  Therefore, I took a variety of different courses.  As an undergraduate, I was given special permission to take some graduate-level courses.  Besides the full load of social work courses I took that semester, I also took a graduate class in the sociology of emotion.  It was one of the most interesting classes I’ve ever taken.  I was able to learn how emotions affect the human body.  It was fascinating and helped me understand myself better.  Moreover, I was granted the opportunity to take a graduate class in rehabilitative counseling.

At that point in my life, I had not received any personal counseling for what I had endured.  This class, for me, was like school and therapy all rolled into one.  It was there I learned the 5 stages of grief in depth, as well as other issues common to trauma and suffering.  I could not get enough of this class.  So much of what I was feeling about everything that had happened to me made much more sense.  God made a way for me to take both of these classes not normally available to undergrads.  This class changed my life.  And, it led me to the next blessing.

While taking rehab counseling, I suffered from strong chest pains, rapid heart rate, sweating, panic, shortness of breath, etc.  Every time it happened, I thought I was having a heart attack.  My newlywed husband drove me to the ER each time.  The last time it happened, my doctor was on call in the ER at the time.  He had already performed an EKG and other tests on me in his office and concluded I was fine.  But, here I was in the ER again with the same scary symptoms.  He came out to the waiting room (to my surprise) and squatted down in front of me.  I thought I was special to receive such personal treatment.  With hands clasped together, he looked at me through his glasses and firmly said – loud enough for the entire room to hear – Kristi, you are not sick.  There is nothing wrong with you.  If you want to see sick people, come in the back with me and I’ll show them to you.  I refuse to treat you.  What you need is counseling.  Now go home!  What?  How could he?  How DARE he!  I was mortified as I sat there wide-eyed in the hard, plastic chair.  I watched his white coat disappear behind the double doors and that was that.  Everyone in the waiting room stared at me as I got up and left.

I was spitting mad!  He did not have the right to chastise me in front of everyone.  He refused treatment for me.  He yelled at me!  His words…were right.  After days of replaying the embarrassing scene over in my mind, his words about counseling kept coming back.  I swallowed a large dose of pride and called my church to see what was available.  Sure enough, a social worker was assigned to our church.  The first time I met with her, I gave her the rundown of the many things that had happened in my life.  She very calmly responded, I think we have something to work with here.  However, I told her I could only afford $5/session.  (I was a newlywed at 19 and my young husband and I were working our way through college.)  She said that was okay.  I met with her every other day for an entire year.  I don’t remember the sessions, but I know that they played a HUGE part in getting me through grieving and helping me heal.  Kind of like running.  A runner can train for a year, and not remember every step, path or trail.  However, she still trains for the finish line.  The sessions are a blur, but each one of them got me one step closer to healing.

Sometimes we think nothing good can come of something bad.  The way my doctor treated me was humiliating, unfair and disrespectful.  But, it took that difficult moment for me to realize it wasn’t my physical heart that needed treating.  Indeed, God brought something very good out of a bad moment.

There are so many blessings God gave me through those difficult years.  How I wish I could keep writing and writing to share them with you.  Sometimes they were obvious, and other times I had to really search to find them.  But, He promised to never leave me and He never has.  For teens, parents, caregivers and friends, remember this…God is good all the time – even when life isn’t.  He’s working for the best interest of His children, for His glory, and His covenant promises to never abandon us even if we abandon Him.  Don’t give up…you have a life story, too.  What will you write?

Psalm 71:14-18

But as for me, I will always have hope;
   I will praise you more and more.
15 My mouth will tell of your righteousness,
   of your salvation all day long,
   though I know not its measure.
16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, O Sovereign LORD;
   I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.
17 Since my youth, O God, you have taught me,
   and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
18 Even when I am old and gray,
   do not forsake me, O God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
   your might to all who are to come.  

Untangle the web of lies – What a teenager won’t tell you

As I prepare to speak to teen girls about brutal lies and cultural myths that we get so easily caught up in, writing about some of them on this blog has really helped me organize my thoughts.  I hope it has been beneficial to your journey as well.  Revisiting memories has been understandably painful at times, but it’s also been a huge blessing to see just how far God will go to rescue someone; that everyone is valuable to Him; and sticking through the rough times reaps beautiful blessings on the other side.

Two cents.  That’s all I have in my pockets today.  I want to offer my two cents with some tips that may help smooth some rough spots with teenagers when life gets hard.  I am not a trained professional.  My opinions are based on my experience, what I’ve learned in college and as a volunteer.  What works for some may not work for others.  Always consult a qualified professional before making significant changes in a teen’s life who has suffered loss.

* When dealing with a teen who has a sick or dying parent, don’t take I’m fine as an answer.  Certainly don’t push the teen to talk, but understand that those two words have little to no value.  If you hear them, let it be a red flag that you may want to follow-up on.  Sometimes they may not be up to talking, but they can also be testing you to see if your inquiry to their well-being is genuine or if it is really just to ease your own conscious.  Don’t ask them how they are doing.  How do you think they are doing?  Instead, ask how they are holding up.

* Familiarize yourself with the 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.  Website of grief stages and their explanations.

* Understand that everyone grieves differently.  People should never compare grieving!  We are unique, as are our experiences and how we process them, and it is completely unfair to place our own expectations on someone else.  Judge not – it’s like kicking them when their down.

* Understand that the first 12 months are extremely important in grieving.  This doesn’t mean we count the months beginning in January, it means 365 days from the day the parent died.  Think about it, there are so many things that happen in a year (holidays, school events, social events, big and small moments in life that surround a particular date or memory), a full cycle needs to be lived out in order to understand life is never going to be the way it used to be.  Quirky family traditions for April Fool’s Day may change, first-day-of-school dinner may not happen, you know, family stuff – it’s all different now.  Be patient with the teen as they try to live through a year of firsts so they can begin to find a new sense of normal.  Yes, a full year.  I believe productive grieving can take place during that year, but life needs a year just to walk through each of the 365 days of being and feeling different.

* The Hospice website is an excellent resource for the whole family.  They offer priceless words of wisdom for teens, as well as a host of other resources for children, parents and caregivers.  I highly recommend this site for caregivers, family and close friends.

* Listen.  Listen.  Listen.  Don’t be so quick to offer a resolution, solution, or fix.  Just listen to them.  It’s amazing what can surface when a teen actually gets to have our undivided attention.

* For trusted friends and family – be there.  You don’t have to say anything, just offer a presence.  Teens who have suffered significant loss are waiting for everyone else to leave, too.  Find something the teen likes to do and offer your time with permission (i.e., watch sports, walk the dog, go to the movies).

* You can’t replace the loved one they’ve lost, but you can help ease the pain.  Remember back-to-school shopping I wrote about?  Perhaps offer to fill in a gap when the teen doesn’t know how to ask for help.

* Make your home a safe place.  Teens go through a lot every day – even on the best day hormones are raging and emotions can be unpredictable.  In a safe environment (not just physical, but emotionally safe meaning they feel free to be themselves without judgement) the teen can drop their guard and may just open their heart.

* Say the name of, and talk about, the parent who died.  One of the most painful aspects of grieving is that the loved one becomes invisible – as if he or she never existed.  People are either too uncomfortable or too worried they’ll upset the teen if they mention the parent, therefore nothing gets said.  For me, it was literally years before anyone ever said my mom’s name (my own family never even mentioned her).  It was an old friend of my mom’s who approached me.  She didn’t know that my mom had died.  This friend asked how she was doing.  I told her, and the friend immediately began apologizing up and down.  I interrupted her and said, Thank you.  You’re the first person to say her name to me in years.  It’s feels good to hear others remember her.  It was about 5 years after my mom died when I realized I had forgotten what her voice sounded like.  It absolutely devastated me!  I cried and cried.  Their legacy, memories and media (photos, video) are really all we have left.  Give the teen the chance to relive good memories when they’re ready.  It can be very healing.

* Offer to help.  There may be large needs you may or may not be able to help with, but I can promise you there are a myriad of small needs beloved friends and family can help meet.  If the teen is in sports, drama, music or any performance activity, offer to attend.  Empty seats are a heart-breaker.  Remember the teen’s birthday with a card or phone call.  Remember the deceased parent’s birthday with a card or phone call.  Offer to help rake the leaves in the fall, plant flowers in the spring, or go for ice cream on a Saturday afternoon.  Just being there is so helpful.  Offering a hand and sharing a smile in the everyday moments of life make the big milestones (holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, etc.) more bearable.  If everyone close to the teen each did one thing, just think about what a difference that would make to remind them they are valuable, loved, and remembered.

* Consider letting the teen make some decisions about their life when appropriate.  One of the best gifts my grandparents ever gave me was the freedom to let me choose whether or not to attend my high school graduation.  I DID NOT want to attend for various valid reasons.  They didn’t push the issue with me.  Today, I still don’t regret it.  Situations are different for everyone, but if a teen feels adamant about something that isn’t earth-shattering or life-changing, at least be patient and listen to their side. Teens in grief may appreciate feeling a little bit of control over their life in times of unrest.  My decision came almost a year after my mom’s death.  Careful consideration should be made concerning the 5 stages of grief and the teen.

* If you have pictures of the parent, scan copies and compose a small photo book for the teen.  Maybe add some short text about a funny story or memory; or what was special about the parent or how they positively impacted your life. People have different roles in each other’s lives. I can only imagine how wonderful it would be to have photos of my mom at work, out with girlfriends, etc. in roles other than as I knew her – Mom.  Online printing companies and superstores print these photo books for little cost nowadays.  It may take a few hours of your life to do this, but it will give the teen a lifelong treasure.  Wait for the appropriate time to give this gift to the teen.

* If I haven’t stressed this point enough already, make yourself available.  It may take days, weeks or months for a teen to be ready to talk, share or do stuff together, but just knowing you are willing to invest in their life can help talk a teen down from their proverbial ledge.  In the meantime, keep a watchful eye on symptoms that need to be addressed by a professional.  Offer a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, a heart to feel and hands to help, but know when to encourage the teen to seek professional help.  They are trained in the most appropriate ways to assist the teen to work through their grieving.  Our best attempt at “counseling” may prove to hurt the situation more than it would help.

********************************

I hope these suggestions have helped shed some light on an issue too dimly lit.  Teens are far too often swept under the rug because adults don’t give teens enough credit that they have thoughts, opinions, feelings, questions, and words that need to purged.  Most teens are profoundly affected by parent loss.  Literally, the teen’s future hangs in the balance of how healthy the grieving process has been.  Research is downright scary for teens who are unheard, ignored, and not helped through every stage of grieving.  It could be the beginning of a downward spiral, or, with proper attention and care, the teen can come through the entire experience with hope, optimism, healing and strength.

Give the teen in your life every opportunity to grieve, mourn, heal and realize their full potential.  They have the rest of their lives ahead of them.  May they experience the abundant life Jesus calls them to in John 10:10 – The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.