Category Archives: Family life

Don’t Forget to Breathe!

This morning, I followed my little ritual as I added chlorine to our pool –  bring bucket of chlorine to the skimmer.  Take off the lid to the skimmer of the pool, and set it aside.  Lean over and slightly unlatch the childproof locks on the canister.  Stop.  Close my eyes.  Take in one, deep breath very slowly.  Release.  Take a second breath in deeply, slowly.  Trying not to get dizzy, I take a third, very deep breath and hold it.  Frantically, all in one movement, I open my eyes, throw off the cover to the canister, scramble for the scoop, measure the scoops of chlorine into the skimmer, throw the skimmer lid back on, snap the canister lid back on, and take off running as fast as I can across the yard away from the whole thing.  When the air finally settled, I returned for the canister and carried it back to its place, walking calmly as if nothing ever happened.

Yes, I am sure I look ridiculous.  But, 100% chlorine is miserable to breathe in as its fumes sting my eyes, nose and throat.   I got a big dose once that taught me never to do it slowly again.  So, that’s my theatrical performance in the backyard when the pool needs chlorine.

However, I feel that is also my reaction to life when it spins faster than a toy top.  Ramping up for a new school year, with many changes happening for our family, I find myself neglecting to breathe.  Literally.  It seems when I get stressed, I shallow-breathe.  I went to the doctor once about tingling hands and feet.  She said it was caused from hyperventilating.

But, I’m not heaving deep breaths, nor am I all upset and worked up like some I’ve seen hyperventilate! I replied.

She explained that not breathing deep enough can cause the same malfunctioning circulation.  I had no idea.

Ever since she taught me this, I am intentional about breathing when currents pick up and waves rise.  Like adding chlorine to the pool, I try to remember to stop.  Close my eyes.  Breathe deeply.

Sometimes I forget.  That’s been the case the past couple of weeks.  It’s very easy to slowly let life control the ship, and the next thing I know my world is being rocked like a toy boat spinning in a bathtub drain.

God is the one who needs to remain in control of life.  He is, after all, the one with all the answers, the patience, the knowledge and time at His disposal; crafted by His hand for our good.  Even when life seems like it doesn’t make sense, He is good and sovereign.  When bad things happen in this fallen world, I have faith He is the God of redemption and NOTHING is beyond His reach of grace and glory.

But, some days I still forget to breathe.  I let the endless list of things to do, people to please, and pressuring priorities determine my day.  That’s so backwards.  Being intentional about breathing means:

1. Give the day to God first and let Him be captain and I be the skipper – not the other way around.

2. Pace myself and not get in a flurry and do too many things at once.  I’m going to buffer time into the day for the unexpected things – of which I’ve already encountered three times this morning!

3. Realize the day’s expectations are more than I can meet.  Some things must simply wait until tomorrow.

4. Move my body.  Too often, my brain muscle gets all the exercise while my body lies dormant. Balance is a good thing.

5. Understand I am NOT responsible for other people’s happiness.  They are.

6. Appreciate the small treasures buried along the journey’s path.  Stolen moments with my kids.  The smell of gardenias in the backyard.  Pondering the blessings God has given me by way of family, friends, a new day to discover, and a healing back. 🙂

7. Work hard.  There is no guilt when I fully know I’ve done the best job I can do.

8. Put my feet up – if only for a little while.  Physically, it’s good for the heart.  Mentally, it’s a priceless break from everything.

9. Use the Holy Spirit as my filter for my attitude and my answers.  When seeking God’s perspective on things, His response is usually different than my own.

10. Breathe.  Literally and metaphorically.  Whatever helps decompress.  I do intentionally take deep breaths throughout the day (my kids think it’s a sign of exasperation, but it’s not – it’s preservation!).  I also breathe in ways that give me the same rejuvenating benefit like writing this blog 🙂 playing with my dog, a conversation with my husband or friend, doing something for someone else and doing something for myself – be it work or play (because sometimes tackling a long-dreaded project feels as good as taking a walk or watching a favorite show on tv).

Fall hasn’t begun yet, so I refuse to let its pressures and strain begin now.  There are precious days of summer left, and perhaps by keeping these days in check it will help me do the same when new routines begin.  It’s all good stuff, and it should be acknowledged as such.  If I don’t want to hear my kids complain, then I shouldn’t either.  This was a nice, deep breathe.  I’m ready to tackle embrace the day.  Are you?

May today be a great day…and don’t forget to breathe!

Happy New Year of Life

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. ~ Psalm 139:16

Last week, I began the week in so much pain from a recent back injury that I didn’t even realize my birthday was approaching.  After 4 doctors, 5 doctor appointments, a heating pad, a cold pack, pain medications and very little sleep sitting straight up in a chair for over a week, I wandered around in a dazed fog – unable to keep up with the days of the week – much less the date.  This is why I’ve been off the grid from posting.  I was just trying to get up and down out of chair. :O

However, I have an amazing family and awesome friends who would not let my birthday go unnoticed nor let the excruciating back pain spoil the fun.  I have a great, big God who went out of His way to show me He didn’t forget the day He began our love story decades ago.

My last post, Today, was the worst day of the pain.  Back pain so bad that my skin has broken out in hives all week where the injury occurred.  Doctors said it was my back’s way of relieving the stress from the pain.  I didn’t even know that was possible.  I jokingly said that I must be allergic to pain.  Not!  Three childbirths, 5 surgeries and 2 severe car accidents have proven otherwise.

Anyway, today I simply want to post a huge, sincere THANK YOU to everyone who made this year one of the most loving, special, memorable birthdays I have ever had in my life.

To my husband and children, thank you for making me smile and laugh (the back pain from laughing was totally worth it!) and taking the time to treat me like a queen.  Bruce, you work so hard for our family.  I know you wanted to be home with me, but what you do makes our family life possible.  Your card, flowers, balloons, gifts and mostly your calls and texts made me feel like you were right by my side all day.  I love you!

Kids – you guys rock.  You got up on your summer morning at 6:30am, voluntarily, to make me breakfast!  That was the best egg white omlette I’ve ever had; the little dude made out of toast and jam – complete with wings and feet – was delicious; the fruit salad – with its professional presentation – was perfect; and homemade chocolate milk, something I afford myself only on my birthday and Mother’s Day meant so much that you remembered.  What can I say about the hand-dipped chocolate covered strawberries?  For breakfast!  I am utterly spoiled, and they were scrumptious.  It was enough for all 5 of us!

On my way to the 5th doctor’s appointment, I received a text from one of my best friends telling me to go check my front door.  I did, and below is what I found!!!  What an incredibly nice surprise!!!!!!!!  Seeing as our country is in a helium shortage (weird, huh?), I can’t believe you guys found some.  Frances and Ann, your two families are family to us always and forever.  You know me well, and filled this basket with my favorite things – most touching was the cards signed be each and everyone of you.  Thank you guys so much!  Ya’ll are kind, generous and loving – and I want the world to know. 🙂

After the appointment, I was treated to lunch by not one, but two friends at a favorite Italian restaurant.  Their hugs, smiles and fun conversation was priceless time with women I think the world of.  Your gifts, cards and fellowship is more than I could ask for.  Pam and Renee, you are beautiful blessings to me.  Thank you for lunch and the tiaramisu.  It was delicious, but even better sharing it with you.

Renee, you surprised me with dinner the night before my birthday just to help out with my back, and completely surprised me with birthday cupcakes!  BUT, not just any cupcakes, made-from-scratch chocolate sunflower cupcakes!!! They were adorable!  Too cute to eat, but we managed. 😉  We enjoyed every last crumb.  You took so much time out of your day to do this special gift for me, and I am so thankful.  God had such a big surprise in store for me when He brought us together, and it feels like I’ve known you a lifetime.  Thank you, Friend.

Going out with my family last night  was such fun!  Bruce wanted to pull out all of the stops.  When we got home, we played family games and, one of the cutest surprises, was the musical arrangement the kids put on.  My daughter pulled popular songs from each decade of my life and we all danced (well, I swayed) to the music.  That was so creative!!

My Facebook, voicemail and email were absolutely flooded with birthday wishes from so many wonderful people from Kenya to Ukraine to the United States.  Oh my!  I never ever expected that.  I thought my heart would burst from feeling so loved and remembered.  I read and re-read each and every one.  I LOVE the way my sweet Ukrainian friend worded her message to me, Happy new year of your life.  Indeed, God makes all things new. 🙂  I just love that!  To me, a birthday message is priceless.  Someone I care about took the time to stop their day and think of me.  Wow.  Being remembered is a beautiful thing.

All day long, I loved hanging out with my kids, enjoying long face-to-face as well as phone conversations with friends, and anticipating celebrating with my man.  I’m not so much about gifts, though who doesn’t’ like to receive a present? 🙂 I deeply treasure time and things from the heart the most.  My cup was overflowing with both…and very thoughtful presents I might add!

All 3 children gave me precious cards – each special in their own way.  This is the card my sixteen year-old son made for me…

This is part of my youngest’s card.  It’s the signature picture he draws of us every year.  I love it!!!!

God knows us better than we know ourselves.  He meets us right where we are and in ways only He knows is in our best interest.  He is so good.  I have a story about one of the gifts God gave me for my birthday and would love to share it.

On Tuesday, as I mentioned above my worst pain day, a house guest came over.  I was hiding out in my pajamas upstairs.  Clear instructions were given by those downstairs not to touch my camera.  My nice, expensive one I use for ministry.  (I’m oblivious to all of this happening downstairs.)  I guess the temptation was too much and hands picked it up…and dropped it.  Dropped it so hard the filter cracked in half and lens busted.

When I found out the news hours later, I was deflated more than anything.  Just 3 months ago, different hands accidentally knocked my old camera off of a table onto concrete and killed it.  Now this one, my new replacement.  Are you kidding me?  I cannot be without my camera, and when traveling there isn’t always a place to pick up another lens if this broken lens doesn’t get fixed and stay fixed.

Warily, Wednesday afternoon I hobbled into a big box electronic store where I bought it and dreaded the whole waranttee process.  I know it well and it is long and laborious.

I explained the whole thing to the gentleman, shifting my weight to find a comfortable standing position, and he was unmoved to say the least.  Another employee stood silently on the sidelines.  He called up a third employee, and I explained the saga to her.  I had told my daughter when I parked the car I would need God’s self control to get through this because of the back pain and the fact that this was camera #2 that I was left to deal with.  An expensive problem.

Another employee, fixing someone’s hard drive nearby, chimed in and borderline lectured me on the warantee process and how I am not special and do not have a choice to repair or replace.  Yeah yeah yeah.  I got it.

I was now going to be without a camera for an indefinite amount of time for an upcoming trip and milestones like visiting family, the first day of school, etc.  The whole thing gave me a headache.

Suddenly, the woman who came over from a different department placed a box on the counter.  She opened it (while the other guy was lecturing me unsolicited)  and with four simple words then entire issue ended…Here’s your new camera.

What? I responded, completley baffled.

This is your new camera, enjoy it! 🙂

Seriously? I questioned.

Yes, she said as she packed up the box.

Just like that? I asked.

Just like that, she replied.

Really? I asked again.  I know the waranttee process and this isn’t typical by a long shot.

Yes, she simply replied.

I’m not one to cry in front of others, but it was hard to choke back the lump in my throat.

This is the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a long time.  You have no idea what a blessing this is, I said while the other employees stood by speechless.

This wasn’t your fault, and you shouldn’t have to bear the stress of it.  Photography is what you do, and you should be able to do it, she said.

I’ll be honest.  This is the first time using a large company to buy my camera, and I was wary about the follow-up customer service.

Maybe this will help, she smiled.

Yes, indeed it does! Do I need to do anything?  Sign anything? 

Nope.  Just enjoy it.

Just like that, I had a brand new camera, new lens and a new battery.  Life simply doesn’t resolve itself like that usually.  I was so discouraged one moment, and in an instant the problem vanished.  Done.

Tears streamed underneath my sunglasses as my daughter and I left the store.  I was mostly relieved to have a working camera in my hands so I can do what God calls me to do with it.  No wondering if the repaired lens will flake out on me overseas, or if the body was affected in a way that won’t show up for some time.  It was new.  A brand new camera.

As we walked to the car, God spoke to me and said, You see your life broken in many ways, much like your camera.  But, like this camera, I can fix anything.  I can fix you.  Your life.  I can.

I have to say, He unearthed doubt that had built up in my heart over some things.  I felt physically broken with my back, and emotionally, mentally and spiritually broken over some heart issues.

Driving home, I wondered why this whole thing happened with my camera.  It was so random and bizarre!  But, God showed me that He allowed this to happen to prove a point with me.  That nothing is irreparable with God.  All things are possible.  He can make a way where there is no way.  And sometimes, the process doesn’t have to be long and laborious.

He gave me hope.  Hope for my back and my heart.  He wrapped it in a camera and every time I pick this new one up, I see Him saying, I love you.  I see.  I know.  I hear.  I am at work for your best interest.  What a beautiful, generous birthday present.

I will never forget this birthday.  And, it’s not over yet.  I look forward to going out with one of my favorite friends, Lisa, soon.  And, we are partying on with more family very soon.  Everything we celebrate is only what God has done in my life – a sinner saved by grace.  His faithfulness, mercy, grace and love.  He is eternally good.  All years combined, the good, the bad and the ugly, I write today that God is sovereign.  He is beautiful.  He is worthy.  Here’s to as many more days on this earth that He allows – for His glory.

My heart is full.

10 Things I Love About Summer

I absolutely refuse to realize the new school year is around the corner.  It’s lurking, stalking, hoovering, looming – but I purposefully turn a blind a eye and choose to enjoy the beautiful state of ignorant bliss of summertime.  Therefore, although we’ve shopped for new clothes, pencils and backpacks, all of which are intentionally hidden from our every day view, I remain in a honeymoon state of summer.  Ahh…

10 things I love about summer:

1. Nuzzling my nose into my children’s hair and breathing in the smell of pool chlorine.

2. Thunderstorms – any time of day, preferably at night (we are praying for rain for neighboring dry states!)

3. Flexible plans or no plans – it’s so refreshing to fall off the grid for awhile!

4. I have more of myself to give my husband.  His work cranks right through summer, and I so appreciate his efforts so I can be home with our kids.  During the summer, I have more of myself to give wthen he comes home by way of flexible dinner hours, evening walks and long talks.  I get way too rigid during the school year with schedules, so it’s really nice to toss it all in the wind and enjoy him.

5. Time with my kids.  I make intentional efforts to connect and reconnect with my kids whether we are doing something big or just hanging around the house.

6. Doing things we don’t always take time to do during spring, fall and winter.  Bowling, matinees, breakfast for dinner, long bike rides, and house cleaning projects that have waited the entire school year (or longer!) like gutting our garage and tackling the dreaded our “project room” a.k.a. office.  Okay, so maybe my husband and I are the only ones who enjoys this in our family, but we can live with that. 😉

7. Opportunities.  Summer brings opportunities for misison trips, escaping with the family to our favorite respite, exploring our state and sometimes a new part of the country, taking up a new hobby, rekindling a love for old hobbies, sef-introspection, ministry and personal growth.

8. Time with my girlfriends.  I LOVE it when I receive a text or phone call and it’s a dear friend asking me to go for a walk, have lunch or go for coffee.  The school year is so busy, and it’s great to steal some downtime with my friends to recharge our batteries and stay connected.

9. Dreaming.  Summer allows time and energy to dream.  Making lunches, signing permission slips, volunteering at school, etc. are a distant memory, if just for a season (all of which I love to do and am thankful to do it).  I can use that mental energy to dream and follow my dreams.  It’s like catch-up for the part of me that lays dormant in other seasons of life.

10. Nothingness.  I don’t know about you, but I need time alone.  Time to be and not do.  Time to absorb and not expend.  Time to listen and not speak.  Time to reflect and not project. Time to be still and not move. Time to Hear from God what He is saying and not me always the one doing the talking. Time to sleep.  Time to laugh.  Time to cry.  Time to breathe.  Time to do absolutely nothing.  No other season gives me that time.  So thankful for summer.

Summer with teens and a tween

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Cool update!  A devotion of mine was posted today on the devotion website I write for.  Hope you can stop by and check it out! ~Kristi

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When my kids were younger, a good summer day involved any of the following:  digging up worms in the backyard, a dollar matinee, blowing bubbles, swimming in a small plastic pool with a layer of grass floating on the water’s surface, nap time, teddy bear picnics, playgroups, board games for hot days, pillow forts on rainy days, snuggling in bed with my little ones and watching Blues Clues or Dora; and mother’s morning out for me to run my errands and go to my appointments.  This sounds picturesque, and I am blessed to say it often was, but our younger years weren’t without the occasional tantrums over refusing a nap; the ever-stressful event of one of us needing to go to the bathroom while in Target with a cart full of sundries and three little ones in tow; continuous mopping of the kitchen floor over a new baby food rejected by said baby or a youngster convinced they can pour their own cup of milk; and the endless hours before my husband came home from work and the loneliness that accompanied those hours.  It was an era of teaching them to say please and thank you and the instruction to share.  I juggled being a wife and a stay-at-home mom while holding down a freelance job – all of which are a blessing.

When they got a little older, summer meant play dates with friends, bowling with gutter guards, teaching them how to mow the lawn, television limits, more board games, lemonade stands, and the ice cream truck.  They were a little more independent and toys like LEGOS and Barbies entered the scene.  Dress-up time was regular and my daughter wanted me to paint her nails in bright, glittery colors.  My boys wanted more road pieces for their Matchbox cars.  The basketball hoop got a little higher, and although they had outgrown naps, the also outgrew the fits that required them.  They learned how set a proper table, to hold the door for Mommy and others who needed help, and that sharing was a good idea after all as they learned the justice and injustices of right and wrong.  Life got a little busier, and I often fell into the trap of trying to provide too much fun for my kids.  I am certain it was some psychological righting of wrongs from my own dysfunctional childhood, and I became exhausted from trying to please everyone all the time.  But, I loved organizing birthday parties, baking cakes, and got used to our house guests growing in number as sleepovers became a normal thing – as did pancakes that accompanied them the next morning.

My kids are two teens and a tween now.  I am the one stealing an occasional afternoon nap.  My daughter has discovered stick-on fake nails (though she still likes me to paint hers) and her dress-up time has shifted to wanting to don stylish clothes and highlights in her hair.  My boys have all but forsaken tv and video games for Minecraft – though LEGOS are permanent family members.  All of them mow the grass in clean, straight lines; they sleep in a little later; they handle the laundry and dishes and other household work quite well; and reasonable bedtimes are antiquated as we stay up late – all 5 of us – watching movies as a family.  Social calendars are much busier, and for the first year my eldest went on his first job hunt and now drives me around town.  They water ski and whitewater raft and travel internationally on missions trips.  They get grounded until bedrooms are clean and have succumbed to their regular housework – though they’ve tried to pay each other to do their work (but they don’t have any money,  so that didn’t really work out!)

They have their own opinions about life and love the Lord and have their own faith.  Sharing one bathroom is a daily challenge for my kiddos, but they laugh together and love each other, so we try not to sweat the small stuff.  When sibling issues arise, I remind them one purpose of families are to prepare them for the real world of studying for hard college classes, enduring a boss they may not like, and how to manage their time and money and get along with their future spouses.  They are all great cooks, which will be a bonus when it’s time for marriage.  All of the years of cleaning up splatters from mixers gone crazy or measuring cups falling off the counters or bags of flour spilling onto the floor, practicing separating egg yolks from the whites and how to properly handle raw meat – were completely worth it as they maneuver their way well through the kitchen these days.

I want to miss the “old days” when they were little.  Everyone tells me I should.  They tell me that at this point in life I should be looking back on the days when the worst thing that happened all day to them was a skinned knee from a bike fall.  They tell me I should be lamenting about childhood naivety, simple schedules and unconditional, endless hugs.

Well, I do have those moments of mamma sadness when I see how much they have grown, but the excitement of watching them grow is awesome!  Just yesterday, I had one of the best hours with my oldest all summer.  He and I were alone for about an hour.  As he washed the dishes and I folded clothes, we talked about tough stuff.  He asked deeply spiritual questions and I silently prayed to the Lord for the right answers.  He and I talked about the world – what’s right and what’s wrong with it and how he feels about all of it.  It was priceless time with him.  He talked.  I talked.  We both listened as we did the housework.

This era of our lives is way too important to miss physically, mentally or emotionally…and most importantly, spiritually.  We stay busy, but I don’t want to be so busy that those special conversations never have an opportunity to blossom because we’re never in the same room at the same time.  I don’t want to be so wigged out about college financial aid or the car we need to buy as ours is quickly dying, daily woes, or anything else that I don’t hear the prompting from my kids when they want to talk to me – uninterrupted, about the tough stuff of life.  They are so much more independent now, I don’t want to take advantage of that and begin my “next chapter” too soon.  If I jump the gun of life with grown kids, I will miss being a part of them finishing growing up.

Parenting this age is exhausting and exhilarating.  Terrifying, trying  and terrific.  Sometimes all at once!

When I hear my youngest talk about what he wants to build as the cure for cancer, or my oldest discuss genetics, or my middle girl be loved on by so many small children who she sits for and volunteers with who adore her – my heart swells with gratitude.  It’s these summer days that I want to remember as much as the early ones.  Days when we take a long bike ride or indulge in our favorite frozen yogurt joint and the world’s problems take a backseat – if only for an hour, but preferably an afternoon.

Do politics and problems and worries roll around in the back of my mind?  Sure.  But, while my kids are still in my nest, I will tend it as best I can.  I love the fact that my daughter chooses me to go back-to-school shopping with.  I will absolutely go, and go with great joy, as I help her navigate her through the aisles and aisles of inappropriate clothes and find the hidden jewels – clothes that don’t compromise modesty for style – as I help her understand how far up the leg rips in the jeans should go, how low a neckline should be and why exposing bra straps is never an option.  We talk about how modesty is the most beautiful form of fashion, and it can be found in her favorite stores!

I like when my boys talk at length to me about a computer game or movie and I have the precious opportunity to talk about our family’s values and where God fits into video games and television and books.  No topic is taboo in our house, and my husband and I have found that oftentimes they want to talk when we are tired or distracted.  When I am tempted to sluff off an open door in the name of more sleep or a little mindless time on Facebook, the Holy Spirit prompts me that I should embrace those moments, moments that won’t always be here.  Like puppet shows behind the couch and wearing Halloween costumes to the grocery store just for fun, these are historical days that one day will be relieved only in our hearts and photographs.

Thankfully, some things never change.  We still flag down the ice cream truck, still like lazy Saturday mornings flipping pancakes, and I relish receiving endless hugs. The teen and tween years can be challenging as we all continue to grow individually and as a family, but they are priceless in their own right.

We will milk this summer for all its worth, and when the new school year begins, I will embrace that season with arms full of special memories, tender moments and kids that still want my hugs.

My Lunch Date

I had precious, stolen time for lunch today with my oldest son.  He and I went to a favorite Asian eatery and enjoyed our time together so much.  He has his driver’s permit, a deep voice and is taller than me.  He is growing up before my eyes.  Some people often remind others to enjoy their children wihle they are young.  That’s never been a problem for me.  Not that parenting is always enjoyable, but I learned as a teen myself how short and fragile life is.  I appreciate every day, every moment, with my family and thank God for them.

Lunch was winding down, and I asked for the check.  When she brought it, my son stealthfully surprised the server with payment.  He doesn’t have much money, but what he has worked for – he wanted to spend on me.  He said, I tried to pull out my wallet underneath the table so you wouldn’t see it.  I offered him a heartfelt thank you several times.

He paid the tab and handed me my fortune cookie.

As we walked out arm-in-arm, he opened the door for me as a blast of glorious summer heat swept over me.  However, as warm as it was outside, my heart was warmer with gratitude for having such a great guy as a son -and a wonderful daughter and another super son as well, of course ;).  We walked to the car, keys in his hand, and he opened my car door.  I looked at him and said, Lunch was good, but it tastes even better being treated by you.  He replied, Lunch was good, but it even tastes better treating you.

I love that boy.

Life doesn’t require lots of extravagant spending and doing.  It merely asks of our time and attention.  Our children do, too.

Think about a way to spend some quality time with those closest to you.  A small investment yields a huge return. 🙂

It’s All Gotta Go

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17

This weekend, my husband and I had the most fabulous time.  They were the best 2 dates we’ve been on in a while.  What did we do?  I’m glad you asked. 🙂 We…drum roll please…gutted the garage!

Doesn’t that sound fascinating?  Seriously, I am thrilled.  What began as a small pile of stuff, who knows how long ago, grew to a vast sea in which one would nearly break his or her neck to maneuver around.  I’m not sure how this happened.  Well, okay, I know.  Little things here and there that we didn’t know what to do with, coupled with no time to deal with it, led up to a space that was downright frightening because we didn’t know what could be lurking in the shadows of this dark space.

It’s no coincidence that this was how we spent our time this weekend.  As I wrote in Friday’s post, Dear God, God is transitioning my family into a new phase of life.  With that comes change.  With change comes the need for adjustments in life – tangible and intangible.

In order to be available for whatever He has next for us, we have to be ready.  Tangibly, our affairs in the garage and attic are not in order.  Have you ever felt like you just couldn’t add one more thing to your already overloaded life?  That there wasn’t time or energy to give one more new thing?

That’s exactly where I am, and so to rectify this, I have to begin with ridding the old so we can welcome the new.  Yes, it was a marvelous feeling to finally sort through the mysterious room of secrets.  As adventuresome as it may sound, most of it wound up in the back of my husband’s car to go to the dump.  (We shared a good laugh, okay, maybe I laughed at his expense, that he has to drive this dump stuff around in his car for four days before being able to go to the dump.  It’s disgusting, and he has meetings with work that may involve others seeing said stuff.  Yikes!  His six-seater is currently a two-seater.  He is a really good sport!!  Major hubby points awarded.)

This dump stuff consists of broken things we thought we could fix someday and leftover parts we just knew we could repurpose.  We had to realize those things are simply not a part of our lives anymore – they had to go.

Speaking of, we had a filing cabinet that moved with us over 15 years ago.  For that long, we weren’t sure what was in it, but it was full.  Bruce finally drilled out the lock this weekend and we found a treasure-trove of history: my original high school driver’s ed. certificate, electric bills from the 90’s, cancelled checks from almost 20 years ago, even paperwork from my beloved grandfather who passed away in 1994 – crazy!  We made a fire to “celebrate” and burned it all.

And the trash!  What in the world?  How did that happen?  Strips of drywall, various cuts of spare wood, an irreparable radio, and other oddities added up to a monstrous pile.  In our defense, we do all of the home improvements we possibly can ourselves.  We’ve laid all kinds of flooring, built stuff, painted stuff, Bruce is handy with electrical and plumbing, we refurbish and refinish, so with all of that comes an array of tools and supplies that bulk up the garage.  At this point, however, much of what is left are good intentions run a muck.  The whole thing has driven my allergies crazy!

Once everything was cleared out, we put up some shelves and arranged only what is absolutely necessary in orderly fashion.  The bulk of the work was deciding (admitting) what we had to let go of in order to move forward.  After all, arms can only hold so much.

The same clean-out is happening in my intangible life.  My heart and mind.  God is making me go through some piles in my mind and eliminate all that has nothing to do with my life now and where He is leading me.  God is showing me what I have to let go of – unhealthy memories, inadequacies, failures, fears, even some people, because hearts and minds can only hold so much.

If I drew a picture of everything I’ve allowed to build up in my heart and mind, dare I say, it would have looked much like my garage.  Little things pushed to the back of my mind that I didn’t have time or energy to deal with at the moment grew to a large pile of mental clutter weighing down my heart.  Broken dreams and expectations, even failed relationships, that I thought could be repurposed.  Refurbished.  Repaired.  No.  God is doing a new work with new parts.  Not to say He won’t or can’t repair things in us, absolutely, but when He does the work, He makes them new.  No fractures filled with Super Glue; no hearts wrapped in duct tape; no caulking the gaping holes of failure in our history.  When God restores, He makes all things new.  We weren’t meant to look pieced together like Frankenstein.  We were created to be whole and healed.  Don’t you love that?

I may feel like Humpty Dumpty in my carnal nature, but God sees me a a seamless, beautiful masterpiece because it is His hands who are forming me, creating me in His image (Philippians 1:6; Ephesians 2:10).

Some things in my mind’s eye, however, were hard to part with because because they had been with me for so long.  But you know what?  Those things, like harsh criticism from others, mean words, guilt, self-defamation, reliving embarrassing moments I wish I could erase, self-deprecation…and did I mention guilt…serve no purpose in my life now.  Where is there room for that on my mental shelves?  No.  That stuff belongs in the dump.

I realized there is also stuff taking up precious space in my heart; boxes that hold past hurts, self-imposed suffering, pain purposefully inflicted by others, and oozing wounds of a bleeding heart caught in the crossfire of faith and sin.

To our horror, we discovered a rodent of some kind had found our bag of birdseed and had been squirreling away in pockets all over the hidden parts of our garage.  Gross!  We found sunflower seed shells in small piles in the most unexpected places.  Likewise, when we don’t address the unhealthy stuff that builds up in our minds and hearts, we give the enemy a foothold – a bread crumb trail to follow to our most inner thoughts and feelings.  He will take full advantage of this and will invade space in our thoughts that was never supposed to be his (1 Peter 5:8-9).  Eradicate the bread crumb trail.  Remember, we’re not in this alone.  God isn’t afraid to go ahead of us into the dark corners of our hearts.  He shines His glory on them to unearth our original beauty and function and gives us courage and strength to face what we’ve been avoiding.

Indeed, my heart and mind did resemble my garage.  But, today is a new day and God has set my feet on a new path.  However, unlike the hours and hours of labor Bruce and I spent sorting, lifting and loading, God simply says of my heart, Give Me your hurt and exhaustion.  I will take it from you (Matthew 11:28).  I will cast your sin as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).  With the suffering in your life, give Me your pain.  I am strong enough to carry it – you are not (Hebrews 4:14-15).  Trust Me to know what stays and what goes (Proverbs 3:5-6).

A new day.  A new way of thinking.  A new person emerging.  Healthy.  Healed.  Whole.  Some truths to remember…

Admonishment builds up. Unhealthy criticism breaks down.  Colossians 3:16-17; Hebrews 3:13

God lovingly disciplines those He loves.  We are not called to beat ourselves up.  Proverbs 3:11-12

Think about praiseworthy things.  Don’t dwell on bad memories or things we can’t control.  Philippians 4:8

Give God our pain and brokenness.  In return, He gives us comfort, gladness and dancing. Isaiah 61:1-3

Grow in wisdom, and don’t dwell on past ignorance. Proverbs 2:1-11

Give God our anxiety.  He wants us to rest in His peace.  Philippians 4:6-7

Think I’ll go stand in my garage today and take in the sights.  While I’m there, I’ll thank God for doing the same work in my heart.  He is so good.

Help!

photo credit Ana @ http://paintingmum.blogspot.com/

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

We were enjoying a beautiful holiday weekend, until the moment my husband frantically said, Call 911.  Those are two words I hoped to never hear.  We were having a marvelous time, but in a split second a freak accident happened that couldn’t be recreated if one tried, and it left my husband unable to breathe.

I’ve never in all my life heard anyone gasp for breath like he did.  His bare chest heaving, eyes bulged and sheer panic on his face.  I thought perhaps he was choking, so I almost began the Heimlich maneuver, but he said, No.  Choking wasn’t the problem. That’s when he told me to call 911.

I raced into the house, and while running, I shouted to the kids, Pray!  I grabbed the phone, ran back outside to him and dialed.

The last time my husband scared me half to death was a couple of years ago.  He was in the front yard and I was in the back yard.  Evidently, he got into a tussle with a large branch and his electric chainsaw, and of the three of them, the chainsaw won.  I was unaware of anything happening, until the kids ran to me saying, Daddy’s on the ground bleeding in the head from the chainsaw!   Never have I run so fast!  I had no idea what to expect as a sprinted through the house.

I found him sitting on the ground, thankfully totally alert and all appendages accounted for – including his head still attached to his neck.  I found the gash in his scalp, and although he argued with me that he’d be fine, he couldn’t see the top of his head.  An hour after an urgent care trip, he donned four staples.  This was a thankful ending to what could have been a horrific outcome.  Praise God.

Yesterday was different because there was nothing at all I could do for him.  He had swam underwater the length of the pool, came up to exit without any air left in him, but water spontaneously splashed into his throat causing it to reflexively close to prevent water from traveling to his lungs.  I can still hear, in my mind’s ear, the gasping and heaving.

Being sure he’d black out, he sat down in a chair while I dialed 911 – and prayed hard.  Just as the operator asked what I needed, Bruce took a small breath.  Then another small breath.  Slowly.  She repeated her questions to me, but I was more focused on my husband.  He gave me a nod that he was going to be okay.  I told her, Thank you anyway. I think he’ll be fine.  She replied, Just call us back if you need us.

That quick.  Life can change that fast – in one single breath.  In the moments of his crisis, so many things raced through my mind.  Our entire 22 years flashed fast forward.  The kids stood frozen, watching wide-eyed.  We are eternally grateful that God spared Bruce’s life, and he did not suffer any side effects other than a stubborn tickle in his throat even today.  The body is a powerful machine, a strong muscle.  One he couldn’t control for those moments.  And, I couldn’t help.  We both felt powerless.

However, one thing we can always do is pray – and there is immeasurable power in the name of Jesus.  Pray we did.  Bold, audacious prayers claiming Bruce’s throat to cooperate and open up.

Is any one of you in trouble?  He should pray…James 5:13

I am grateful, happy and relieved that all is well.  Bruce is well.  It reminds me of a few Scriptures I’d like to share if you, too, are thankful for God’s sparing and protection in your life…

You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Psalm 139:5

I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. Psalm 73:23

This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. Psalm 34:6

Family Jewels

“Rise in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:32

I had the most delightful conversation with my stepmother yesterday.  We have been playing phone tag for quite some time, and finally we were able to catch up.

She is an incredible woman of strength and even temperament.  Even with losing my dad in December, she remains faithful to our Christ and is slowly finding a new sense of normal – though she misses him terribly.  We chatted about everything we could think of.  I loved listening to her talk from her perspective about the important things in life.  Wisdom that only comes from having lived through it.  It’s like a sneak peak at the future with tips and advice on the tough stuff.

After our conversation, I thought about my family and pondered how important the generations ahead of us are to us and those coming behind.  They have so much insight and wisdom to share.  It is, indeed, their priceless legacy.

My grandmother was a woman of incredible strength and poise.  She was a southern lady – soft as a flower with the tenacity of a tiger.  She taught me invaluable lessons about relationships, cooking, budget-keeping, well, almost everything!  Her mother, my great-grandmother was also a beautiful and strong woman.  I was 12 when she passed away, and growing up my claim to fame was that I knew someone born in the 1800s.  1899 to be exact.

My great grandmother and I sat together many summer afternoons on my grandmother’s couch and snapped green beans.  And I loved sleepovers with her.  As she got ready for bed, I was amazed at the regime of hair rollers, facial cream, etc. she performed every night.  When it was time for bed, she and I would lie there and play “Guess Whose Sleeping?”  A game (I think she made up) where we had to be completely quiet, and the first person to fall asleep would say, I’m asleep.  Silly.  I know.  But fun.  Our generational gap showed once when I was a tween and came over to visit in my brand new bleached jeans.  They were my favorite birthday present!  She looked at them and said, Why I wouldn’t have even picked corn in those pants.  Ha!  We agreed to disagree. 🙂

My grandmother was my second mother.  She made the best blue cheese dressing and was my daycare because my mom worked.  She was a very funny lady, and family meant everything to her.  When she grew older, she sat me down once and showed me the linens that had been in our family for generations and told me what was what and who it was from.  Family was her heart.  Mess with any of us, and you had to reckon with her!

When I was young, these ladies told me a true story that defines who they both were.  Back in America’s unfortunate days of segregation, my grandmother and great-grandmother went shopping in downtown Atlanta.  While in a clothes store, they saw a young African-American girl who was in distress.  They approached her and asked her what was wrong.  She had to use the restroom really bad.  She was desperate, but the only bathroom was for white people only.

In the days of great hostility and shakeup, these ladies decided to buck the system and help this young girl.  My great-grandmother hid the young girl under coat and assisted her to the store’s white’s-only restroom.  My grandmother stood guard outside.  Trust me, no one was going to get past my grandmother.  She was too smart, too sweet and knew how to use both to help this precious girl.

Hearing their story showed me how to put the Bible into real life practice.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

My grandfather was an upstanding man in our community.  Everyone knew him and liked him.  He knew how to stretch a dollar and make touch decisions as the leader of the family, but he had a real soft side that only a few of us saw.  I would describe him as a pillar.  Strong.  Unwavering.  Kind, generous and practical.

The best financial lesson I ever received was from him right after Bruce and I got married.  I was a young 19, and had lived with my grandparent s for 3 years following my mom’s death.  I visited them one day about a year after the wedding, and my grandfather surprised us with a washer & dryer for the tiny foreclosure we bought.  However, he sat me down at the table on the back porch and took out his wallet.  He opened it (never taking anything out of it) and said, This is the last time we will help you.  You are married now, and it’s up to Bruce and you to handle your finances.  Then, he literally, physically, shut his wallet and put it in his back pocket.

Wow!  How’s that for an object lesson?  There was absolutely no ambiguity of where he stood, and it was the best thing he could have done for us.  From that day forward, 22 years later, we have been completely on our own financially, making good decisions and accepting the consequences for the bad.  I learned in about 30 seconds that my life was my responsibility.  It is one of my life’s greatest learned lessons.

Our society truly undervalues the older generation.  However, they are an untapped resource of knowledge and strength from which to draw.  During my mother-in-law’s recent battle with cancer, she told me one day while we sat together, I’m not ready to go yet.  I have so much to still teach you guys.  Like how to use newspaper for lining the insides of your shoes when they wear out.

That conversation stuck with me.  We have thousands and millions of people right at our fingertips who know what it is like to live through rationing; to work as a community for the good of the whole; to give us advice on self-sacrifice (something my current generation and the one after me doesn’t know) and leadership.  We need people to tell us how to live within a budget, how to work hard – even if it is for the benefit of someone else, and that less truly is more.  We need to be told the beauty of appreciating simple moments and be admonished on just how short life really is – something those ahead of us have much to offer to the conversation.

The way things are in the world right now, we should be having lots of conversations with those who know how to survive and thrive in the face of unpredictable hardship.

On thing I love is that we worship at church with the elderly.  We have Widow Sunday periodically where the widows are given a white rose to wear, and everyone who sees them gives them a hug.  This is respect that is biblical and esteemed by God.  I love to watch the older generation at church.  Sometimes I glance around and watch them sing, with their eyes closed, hymns like It Is Well and Amazing Grace because there are decades of history in their voices.  Decades upon decades of living in God’s faithfulness – and in theirs to Him.  I study their faces and think of the hard times they’ve survived, loved ones they lost, and health crises they’ve faced – yet here they are, every week, worshiping God. I think to myself, Teach me.  Show me.  Guide me.  They are an example I want to follow.  One I want my children to follow.  Inter-generational worship, be it in church service or spending time with those of the older generation, is extremely important for everyone’s benefit.

My heart was so touched when my oldest teen told me that he saw our special widow friend at church and went up to her and gave her a hug and chatted – all on his own.  They were both blessed.  We live in such a “me” generation, and the one coming behind is even more so.  We as parents must teach our children the value of all people – not just those who are in the same season of life as us.

Studies show that communities where the elderly are honored, respected and highly regarded have a considerably longer life expectancy.  Interesting.  The fact is, we will all be there one day, hopefully, and it will be our turn to share advice, stories, and life lessons.  Will anyone listen to us?

Lessons I’ve Learned From My Children

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.  Below are our photographs of lessons I’ve learned through my children in unexpected moments sharing life together.  I wouldn’t trade these experiences, or what they’ve taught me, for anything.

Always start the day with hope

Stay curious

God cares about the details

Some things are better left alone

Chase your dreams

Expect the unexpected

Know when to hold onto and when to let go

Look for life’s blessings

Don’t rush life

Find hidden treasure

Always be ready to make a new friend

Be spontaneous

Never forget old friends  (We had no idea these guys survived winter in our pond until we cleaned it out recently!)

Be thankful

Watch your step  (Found this guy while rock climbing)

Our lives are part of God’s divine design

Prayer binds family ties

Life is better together

Crossroads of trust

(C) by http://www.martin-liebermann.de

You may buy prints or posters from zeitspuren.deviantart.com Kind regards Martin Liebermann license@martin-liebermann.de http://www.martin-liebermann.de

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.  Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

What do we do when something unexpected comes up in our lives?  We didn’t ask for it, nor are prepared for it.  It’s not necessarily a bad thing, and could even be a good thing, but because we didn’t write it on our agenda it shakes us up.  How do we make decisions about it?  How do we pray about it?

I am extremely purpose-driven.  I took a personality test many years ago that nailed me.  It said that if I believe in something, I will give it my 100%.  But, if I don’t believe in it, then I find it nearly impossible to do it.  Oh my!  This test was so right!  It explains all of the decisions I’ve made in my life.

As manager of our house (my husband is the leader, but I manage most of the daily affairs), I project, plan and prepare.  Those three p’s keep our home running smoothly most of the time. Then, the unexpected happens.  How do I handle it?  Where does it fit?  How does it fit?  Can I support it? Believe in it?  Do it?

The bigger question, is…do I believe He who is over all things in my life? If something is from God, whether I exepcted it or not, or wanted it or not, I must trust Romans 8:28,

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Ouch.  There it is.  His purposes – not mine.  I’ll be honest and say some things have come up that have altered my agenda.  Some I see as good. Some not so good.  And some – I don’t know how I feel about them yet.

I get all twisted up when trying to manage an agenda that has question marks written all over the plans.  I try to think of every possible scenario of how these unknowns fit into our family’s puzzle.  I can’t.  I don’t have all of the information.  That really bothers me!  I am a big-picture girl.  Let me see the end product, and then we can work out a plan to get there.

This thinking is seldom how God operates.  Why?  Because if we could see the bigger picture, #1 we may or may not like what we see and therefore we will either bulldoze the quickest path to the outcome or be purposefully disobedient to stave it off.  Either way, our hands are all over it – not God’s.  #2 – Seeing the bigger picture requires no trust on our part.  Trust draws us near to God.  He didn’t create us to be mindless robots. There are hundreds of decisions we make every day.  But, some stuff requires trust, because trust forces us to pry our hands off of the situation and surrender control.  Ug.  That is hard.

When praying for a friend today, I realized I needed the same prayer!  It went something like this:

Dear Lord, please give my friend eyes to see You, ears to hear You, a mind to understand what You are asking her to do, hands & feet to do it, and a heart to accept it.  Oh, and a big dose of courage would be great, too.

I forget that talking to God about my concerns isn’t necessarily doubting Him.  He is big enough to handle our questions.  He knows our hearts, and therefore He urges us to talk things over with Him.  It’s okay.  He also knows we are human.  Dust breathed to life.  If you’re like me, we shy away from God because approaching Him with feelings, questions, and concerns makes us feel guilty – like we don’t have enough faith.  But, it is times exactly like these that grow our faith.  If we avoid the journey of communicating with God, we miss the opportunity to stretch and strengthen our faith on the path He has chosen for us.

As I was exercising this morning, I talked to God much like I would my husband.  Plain English, nothing fancy, and just told Him my thoughts, concerns, opinions and feelings.  Because of this time with God, I am reminded He is in charge, He loves us, and is working for His glory and our best interest.  And, nothing I talked to Him about is mine to ultimately control and destine. What a weight off of my shoulders!

Believers walk in the path crafted by God.  We didn’t create the path.  We follow it.  May all of us have the courage, strength and audacious faith to take the first step.