If Jesus wrote a love song to me, this would be it.
It is not a Christian song, per se, but it is *our song.*
~ Psalm 61; Hebrews 4:13-16~
John 13:25 is one of my absolute, very favorite Scriptures ever ever ever. I confess I’ve always been jealous of John in this moment; not in what he asks, but in his actions.
There is no other place in all of creation that I’d rather be than right there. I hold this place in my heart for now, but oh one day.
One day I will be in this place, this moment, for real. Tangible. Seen. Able to feel his warmth. Feel his muscles move as he shifts in his seat. Feel his chest expand and contract with every breath. To be so close to hear him inhale, exhale. Feel his hair tickle my cheek. My ear pressed against his chest, I feel the reverberation and hear the echo of his voice as he quietly hums our song. Feel the touch of his skin. Stroke the softness of his royal robe.
I reach for his hand and hold it in mine. I run my finger over the scar from the nail. I stare at his scar and remember what he did for me. I remember what I did to put that scar there. He senses my muscles tense and my palms begin to sweat. The weight of guilt and shame steals my breath and sorrow overwhelms my heart. He gently pulls me closer and strokes my hair. Without a word, his patient love and tender kindness tells me he would’ve done it all if only for me.
He regrets nothing.
I breathe a comforted sigh and close my eyes, my hand covering his scar.
And I rest in the feeling when you know you are completely safe, and you fold yourself into the one holding you. Guards down. Walls down. No words necessary. When you feel so safe you close your eyes and your soul exhales in a sigh of sweet contentment; drifting in and out of sleep.
Knowing fully that he has me and I am safe. I rest because he holds me. He who holds the whole world in his hands. He who carried the weight of sin for all time, holds me. His strength is safe. There is fullness of heart; not lacking anything.
To look into his eyes. His eyes of love and mercy bring hot tears to mine. We sit and look deeply into each other. He sees me. He knows. The real, raw, unfiltered, un-fronted me. And he loves me. The sweet smile in his eyes says, knowing everything about me, he loves me. The soft smile of his lips tells me that knowing everything about me makes him, in fact, love me…more.
I don’t have to explain anything to him. I don’t have to do anything but rest and receive. Receive his love. His friendship. His mercy. His brotherhood. His saving grace. To know I am fully known yet still… Accepted. Wanted. Cared for. Seen.
And time stands still. Nothing else matters. All grows dim. The only sound I hear is the beat of his heart. The heart that loved me enough to beat death and beat again. I lean into him and simply listen to the rhythmic melody of his heartbeat that will never stop playing our love song. I live this moment in my heart today and wait for it to be fulfilled in spirit, face-to-face. It will be the best moment in my entire, eternal life.
Not sure I wanted to share something so personal, but my hope is this song draws you closer to Jesus, too.