Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:6-7
This morning was a milestone for my recovery…I got to take a shower without having my foot being wrapped up and kept dry. Yeah! That may seem like a trivial thing, but I’ve waited 2 weeks for water to flow over, and soap to clean, my surgical foot.
However, afterwards I noticed something alarming. It appears part of my stitches came open. I won’t gross anyone out with more medical talk, but suffice it to say it led to texting my doctor for instructions.
Talk about deflating! I went from riding a high one minute, to being consumed with worry the next. Am I at risk for infection? Sepsis? Something I don’t know about?
I’ll admit that fear gripped my mind and soul, partly because I want to be thoroughly healed up, and partly because I’ve only allocated a certain amount of time for this surgical hiccup to interrupt our lives (like I have total control over it).
As I began my prayer time today, I said, God, I’m worried. I’m worried about my foot. This is all I’ve got to bring You today.
I continued by praying on the armor of God like I do every day (Ephesians 6:10-18). When I reached the part of my prayer…I fit my feet with the readiness that comes from the Gospel of peace to go where, when and for how long You say…God interrupted me.
What did you just tell me, Kristi?
I told you I’m bringing you worry.
What did you just pray?
To fit my feet with my feet with peace.
That was my ah-ha moment! How beautifully and creatively God works in our lives. The same part of my body that I feel bound to with fear and worry, is the same part of the armor of God that is fitted for peace.
I understand that the peace Paul talked about was in regards to following God’s will, commands, and voice in life so closely that above our doubt, fears and our own agendas we can trust Him no matter where He leads us.
However, it was amazingly intertwined with how I am feeling, particularly about my foot, today.
In my prayer, I asked God to continue to heal my foot from the inside out. It wasn’t until today I got a close look at the ramifications of surgery. It’s taken a beating and I’ll leave it at that.
When I spoke of healing from the inside out, I know the benefit to waiting weeks and weeks for a solid, lasting recovery. If everything looked great on the outside, but wasn’t healed properly on the inside, there would be future problems for sure. Problems I can’t see from the outside, but would certainly feel on the inside. The recovery process would be lengthened indefinitely.
God reminded me that this is the same with our hearts and lives. He heals from the inside out. Just as I sat down with my pc today, before any programs were even opened, my mother-in-law popped up on Ovoo. Wow! I didn’t expect that. Neither did she. She said her pc did the same thing. We laughed that it was meant for us to chat.
She said, You look wonderful!
Thanks. A shower always helps.
On the outside I am clean, dressed and accessorized. On the inside, I am churning with worry about my foot. This moment was a great reminder to me that God indeed heals from the inside out, and no matter how hard we try to put our best foot forward to the world, God sees what’s going on inside, and that is where He begins His work.
Is His work completed overnight? Rarely. So we wait. We try to live the P word – patience. Ug. I have to keep coming back to a place where I am pliable in the Potter’s hands. I have to remind myself to stop fighting against His healing hand.
My doctor says that some of his patients come in after the same foot surgery and their toe is frozen stiff because they didn’t do their exercises at home. I am determined to not be one of those patients, because I’ve learned from past experience that physical therapy hurts that much more when we don’t obey our instructions.
There is a time for us to surrender our souls and let God operate. There is also a time that we are to sit still and simply recover. There is still a time for us to do our exercises, so scar tissue won’t build up in our hearts – rendering them stiff, hardened and unmovable.
As believers, we have free will. It is our choice to believe that God is working for our good (Romans 8:28), even in the tough times. We have the choice to be patient and wait out the work He is completing in us from the inside out. Waiting through the moments when no change is visible from the outside, rather small, subtle, lasting changes are weaving our broken hearts together again to make a new, stronger person both inside and out.
Oh, and about the timeline, I don’t know if you’ve ever given God a time frame in which to work, but I have. Truly, this is preposterous because we simply cannot see the bigger picture of life. When God looks at our lives, time constraints are of no matter from His side of heaven. He sees it all – beginning to end – all at once and knows how the story ends.
We see merely snapshots of time. Moments and blips on the radar. I thought by now I had this one down pat. That it is all about His timing, not mine, until I remind myself and God of plans we’ve made as a family once I am recovered – with little to no margin for extra time to recover.
Even my doctor cannot exactly tell me the day and time my foot will be 100% well. God is the only one who knows all, and for that He has all my trust.
If you are like me, working on some inner and outer healing, take heart that God sees. He knows. He cares. You and I are important to Him. We matter. Psalm 121 is a beautiful reminder that He is always present and working in our lives.
Psalm 121 – A song of ascents
I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Our job is to let Him work. Sometimes that means surrendering the issue to Him. Sometimes that means waiting in what feels like nothingness when He is working deep in our souls. Sometimes it means doing our part of the healing, our home exercises if you will, including forgiving others and ourselves, trusting God in a new way, picking up our cross to follow Him, praying for the issue at hand, releasing the issue, moving as the Spirit prompts us to go, stop, wait, run, walk, make that phone call, write that letter, pack up or settle down.
Healing is miraculous in the long run, but can feel unbearable in the process. Our faith is that we, as believers, never live a minute of it alone. Jesus bore all of our illnesses and injuries on the cross. It’s by His stripes we are healed (perhaps in ways we didn’t expect), and it is in Him that we have joy in the meantime.
Today, I am trading in my shoes of worry and angst, and fitting my feet with new shoes of peace. One thing I know for sure, these shoes of peace are a lot more comfortable to wear.
<<Check out the companion song to this post on my Tunes page! >>