The House in The Desert

Yesterday, we looked at Psalm 27 and talked about David’s pause, mid-thought, of a place where there are no worries, fears or sadness.  Guess I’m still in that moment today.  Life is good.  Life is hard.  I can count 100 blessings, but it’s the struggles that drain me.  We muddle through moments of angst, and do what we have to do, but I also relate to David in letting my mind wander to a place where it’s just God and me.

Only there can I shed my coat, like a weary traveler, set my bags down and exhale.  Only there can I take off all of the hats I wear every day and wipe the sweat from my brow.  Only there can I slump into a chair and rest my head on the table, knowing God will meet me at the table with a glass of cold water and a warm smile.  Only there can I sit in utter silence with no worries of filling in conversation.  Only there the dirt my shoes tracked in doesn’t matter, and the familiar smells of home infuse my thinking.  I’m only His child there.  Not wife, mother, friend or worker. I am His child and sit in His house.  It’s safe.  Quiet.  Peaceful.

Everything I need is there.  Moreover, who I am there is enough.  I’m not responsible for anyone else’s happiness there; I’m not a problem-solver; I’m not a worker bee.  I’m just me, and evidently God is okay with that because He hasn’t asked me to be anyone else, nor has He made me feel inadequate for my shortcomings.

In His house, I find my special room.  It’s simple.  A bed, a nightstand and soft linens.  A window for light and a door for privacy.  There, I crawl under the covers and rest my head on the pillow.  I close my eyes knowing He watches out for me.  I sleep while He spreads His wings over me and shelters me with the mere palm of His hand.  There is nowhere else on earth I can go to rest like in God’s house.   He intercepts all that calls for my attention.  I am untouchable and unreachable.

God travels with us in our lives.  Therefore, His house is never far away.  I can find it at the beach, in my own house, in the city, the country, on the Mara, on the subway, under an old tree and on the river.  I can also find it in the desert.

People often associate the desert as a harsh, barren, cursed plot of ground.  It offers neither shelter nor basic needs easily and seems to delight in making accommodations as unpleasant as possible.

Spiritually, people associate the desert with dry times in their life.  Whether it’s not hearing God, not feeling the Christian life or feeling alone, the desert is what our mind’s eye goes to, to describe what we feel.

I think there is yet another way to look at the desert, and David does, too.

He is all over the map in Psalm 55.  He begs God to hear and answer his prayer (v1).  His thoughts trouble him (v2), the enemy and wicked taunt him (v3).  His heart is in anguish (v4). Fear and trembling overwhelm him (v5).  Then verses 6-8 appear. Like a break in a storm, where the rain and wind stop and the sun shines – even if briefly –

I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest—
I would flee far away
and stay in the desert;

(Selah)
I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm. ”

What a beautiful metaphor!  In the desert, where is the storm and tempest?  In the desert, we can be alone.  Therefore, we can rest.  Our place of shelter is God’s house, right in the middle of nothing.  When we are walking in our desert and view endless miles of nothingness, it is very easy to spot God’s house.  It sticks out against the monochromatic backdrop of sand and sun.

His house is harder to find in lush jungles, crowded cities or bustling suburbs – whether these are tangible obstacles we face or intangible only in our hearts and minds.

Perhaps the desert is just the landscape we need to find God’s house.  It is not a mirage, rather it is a promise to His children.

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28

Are you a weary traveler?  Do you need rest?  Look for God’s house.  It’s never farther than a prayer away.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” John 14:1-4


Sunday Selah

One thing I ask of the Lord,
    this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek him in his temple.

Psalm 27:4

In Psalm 27, David reminds himself of God’s strongarm against his enemies.  He reiterates God’s mercy, goodness and safety.  Yet, in the middle of wrestling with fear, weakness and unstable circumstances, David breaks away in his heart and seems to pause mid-thought.

He is in crisis.  He feels unsafe of where he is and unsure of what the future holds in the hands of his enemies.  However, I can almost see David stop his heart’s plea and set his gaze on the horizon.  Although his feet stand on a place of longitutde and latitude, his heart escapes to another place and time.  There it is peaceful, quiet and restful.  Indeed, God’s house is a respite, a place of refuge.

Until God calls His chidlren home, we are called to seek Him now – every day.  Where do you find rest in God?

One place I find Him is at the beach.  I am reminded of His greatness of strength, creativity and control.  The rythmic waves crashing on the shore slow my own racing heart, and I come to a place of surrender.

I’m not at the beach today, but I can still find my way to God’s house – in my heart.  His children are His temple, and He dwells in us.  When I surrender myself to Him, I find rest, peace and stillness not found anywhere on this earth.

I encourage you, also, to look and listen for God today whever you are.

The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace. ~ Psalm 29:11

Lord willing, I’ll see you tomorrow back here for more real…deep…stuff.

Have a wonderful Sabbath,

Kristi

Culinary Quest #8 – Mexican Breakfast Flatbread

We love Mexican food!  Just give me chips and salsa and I’m set.  But, for days when a proper meal is in order be it breakfast, brunch or dinner, I set out to create a dish that incorporates savory Mexican taste with traditional breakfast ingredients.

This hearty dish stands alone, and a fork & knife are required for this mucho grande meal.  Adapt veggies to taste.  Use egg whites, reduced-fat cheese, reduced-fat sour cream and turkey bacon to help with dietary needs.

Loaded with veggies, and a kick of lime, it’s a great break from store-bought, frozen breakfast burritos or the predictable taco night!  This flat bread is filling in an “I’m ready for the day” feel, not “I need to go back to bed” feel.  🙂 Enjoy!

Mexican Breakfast Flatbread

Serves 8

One bag                 Fresh pizza dough

2T                           Corn meal

1T                           Garlic powder

1/4t                        Cayenne pepper to taste (optional)

1 bunch                  Fresh cilantro; chopped

1 pt                        Mushrooms; thinly sliced

1                             Red pepper; chopped

½ medium              Red onion; thinly sliced

½t                           Lime juice

2                              Beefsteak tomatoes; thinly sliced (use the centers for most even distribution)

8                              Eggs

1#                            Center cut bacon; cooked & diced

2c                            Mexican blend shredded cheese

2                              Avocadoes; sliced

1c                            Sour Cream

1c                            Your favorite salsa

************************************************************************************

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

On a floured surface, roll out dough till flat using rolling pin.

Place dough on pizza pan or stone that has corn meal sprinkled on it. (To keep the dough from sticking to the pan)

Sprinkle garlic (and optional cayenne pepper) onto dough.

Layer in order: cilantro, mushrooms, red pepper & onion.

Sprinkle lime juice over top.  Add tomato slices.

Bake in oven for 25minutes.

While flatbread is baking, fry 8 eggs in a large skillet on the stove.  I use a little cooking spray to avoid excess fat and break the yokes so they more evenly distributed.

Remove flatbread after 25 minutes, and add eggs evenly on top. Using a spatula, simply cut out the eggs like pieces of a puzzle.

Sprinkle with cooked, diced bacon.  Cover with shredded cheese.

Bake an additional 5 minutes until cheese melts.

Remove from oven and top with salsa, sour cream, and avocado slices on top.

Just veggies at this point…pre-baked.

Frying up the eggs (with a little pepper).

Hot out of the oven…

Bless the meat let’s eat!

Living the Dream

There is an image I cannot erase from my mind.  Travel with me for a moment to Kenya.  At the end of the safari, my family rode in a gutted JEEP back toward civilization.  Our driver, an authentic Masai warrior, barrels over rough terrain, nearly missing zebras, antelope  and wildebeest.  The JEEP throws us around, like an amusement park simulator ride on massive steroids!

(Our wild drive across the Mara.  The dark dots are all kinds of wild animals traveling together)

I look behind me, and the rest of our crew is closing in on us in their JEEPs with their drivers.  It looked like a scene from Indiana Jones with 6 stripped down, dirty JEEPS blazing across the Mara leaving thick dust trails behind them.  Like stunt drivers performing a rehearsed routine, our Masai drivers were in a race to get their JEEP back to the main road first.  This was our amazing adventure for at least 2 hours.  It was the most freeing ride I’ve ever taken.  Wide open plains dotted with wild animals.  Full throttle.  Full sun.  Then…the most unexpected thing EVER happened.

(A sample of the open plain we traversed)

Music!  Music began to play.  Not just any music.  Our Masai warrior hits a switch, and amidst the loud, rushing wind and hair slapping me in the face, Justin Bieber’s song, “Baby” began to play.  What?  Our entire family busted out laughing and asked how in the WORLD did this warrior, who kills lions with his bare hands, get a hold of this music?  I commented that Bieber would probably never imagine his music being the backdrop for a crazy thrill ride across the Mara in Africa.

Our driver, donning his personal machete and gorgeous, exquisite Masai garb, told us that previous travelers turned him on to it.  After “Baby” was done, Jamaican island music rang out over the whistling wind.  Wrong landscape, but surely more fitting than American pop music. Again, a gift from previous travelers.  Bruce asked him how he was playing music in this old, gutted JEEP.  He explained that he had made a homemade iPod of sorts and hardwired it to the vehicle.  We were impressed with his ingenuity!

But, I digress.

As we embraced the rocky, grassy, unmarked plains of the Masai territory working our way back to Kipsigis country, in the far distance we saw the most unbelievable sight!  Every time I think about it I get chills.

Far off on the horizon, we saw a dark figure moving very fast.  Squinting my eyes, straining to see, I caught the glimpse of  a man.  Running.  Foot travel is the mode of transportation for most people in Kenya, but there wasn’t anything typical about this man.  He was wearing athletic shorts, a crisp, white tank top, white knee socks and running sneakers.  None of which had we seen anywhere in our time in Kenya.  Where had he come from, and where was he going?

We all gasped at the same time and said, Surely he is in training!  For the Olympics, perhaps?  We asked our Masai driver and he concurred.  He didn’t know the man, but said Olympic hopefuls do, in fact, train in this terrain.  Our jaws fell agape as we watched, mesmerized, at this mystery man’s grace and speed.  This man was the fastest runner I’ve ever personally seen with my own eyes.  And poise!  His long legs stretched out before and behind him, back straight, arms taut – he didn’t even seem real.

No one has bright, white clothes in the Mara.  They wear native attire.  No one has shoes and socks so brilliantly crisp we could easily spot them from a distance. They are barefoot.  Oh yes, he was training indeed.

And, think about where he was running!  Most runners I see run in the city, suburbs or on greenway trails.  This man was completely alone, running in the land of hungry lions, temperamental Cape buffalo, sly jaguars, wicked- fast cheetahs, territorial hippos, elusive rhinos, venomous snakes and audacious hyenas.  As much as that thought would make ME run like the wind (for my life!), I still could not have done what he did.  He had a goal and was training for a dream.

Did he realize he was living his dream?  How about us?  Are we?  Do we?

For this man, he was already living his dream.  At some point, he stopped his normal day’s work, put on his training outfit (perhaps sponsored by someone?), and took his first step.  That step led to more, quicker steps, and those led to miles and miles of lightening fast, all-out running – racing the wind and daring the company of wild beasts.

I have never seen anything so inspirational of the human spirit.  I’ve watched Dateline and 60 Minutes who produce shows based on the one in a million who beat all odds to compete in sports, music and fine arts.  But, those shows have an ending.  There is closure when the man or woman, child or adult proves they have accomplished their goals.  I never have I witnessed the dream in play.

This man’s race has not yet happened.  Does that make him less of a runner?  Or, does working hard every day – rain or shine, sick or healthy – running the Mara make him a runner?

The answer is obvious.  He is, in fact, a race runner right now.

For those of us who most likely will never train in the Mara, what are the dreams that stir our heart?  They are just as important as this man’s, but do we give them the same credit?

Or, do we choose to let the mundane monotony of life be our excuse for not suiting up (be it arming ourselves with a paintbrush, a pen, a camera, a tool, a musical instrument, or our voices) and accept our place on the sidelines?

God gives us dreams.  Dreams spur on hope, give us reason to fight against hardships and ignite purpose on our lives.  Once we have given those dreams to God, asking permission to pursue them in His timing and for His glory, what holds us back?

I think the biggest thing that holds us back is – us.  We feel our limitations.  We listen to the doubt inside us that reminds us of our inadequacies and past failures.  We measure ourselves against the world and believe that we have nothing to offer.  Surely we are not as good as the next man or woman or child.

This happened to me just recently.  I was trapped in a conversation with someone who made me feel really bad about myself.  The topic was photography.  I will spare you the long story, but suffice it to say I told him, in an effort to end the conversation and diffuse his temper, that I was not a real photographer.  When I said those words, a part of me died.  I totally sold myself out because of a man I barely knew.  I went home and sobbed to my husband that my entire history of photography, that began when I was 10 years old when, for my birthday, my great-grandmother put a 110 instamatic in my hands and instantly I found my voice to the world, was gone.  All of my work, albeit unpaid, was suddenly worthless.  Because I don’t have credentials behind my name, or awards on my bookshelves, or a paycheck to prove it – I sold my dream for the price of exiting a conversation.

I felt numb for a few days.  Perhaps, deep down, this is indeed how I felt about myself, and it took verbally cornering me to bring it out?  Or, perhaps, I reduced myself to the world’s standards and realized I didn’t measure up.  Or, perhaps still, I caved under the pressure and said something I didn’t really believe.

For me, I know it was the third choice. In the days following, God had to show me, in His own unique way, the truth of who I am.  He proverbially picked me up, brushed off my knees and wiped the tears from my eyes.  He showed me who I am in Him, and that person is someone who believes in her dreams and wants to enjoy every part of the journey, whether anyone else believes in me or not.

Ironically, not by coincidence, God recently put me in not one, but two situations where my being a photographer was validated by two separate people – on their own initiative, not mine.  I don’t even know these people.  God caused our paths to cross, and I believe it was to reinforce exactly what I felt about the race runner I saw in the Mara.  Because, what I felt about that man was that although he had not yet won the public affirmation for which he was training, he was absolutely a true runner in my opinion.  No doubt.

The same takeaway is for us.  Perhaps more than a single race to prove who wins; it is ignoring what others say about us; it is the numerous days, months and years of practice; it is the countless miles we run in our own way that validate our dreams.

I once ran a 5K cold.  My daughter was entered in the race, but when we got there, we were surprised to see hundreds of runners and hundreds of their family members and friends.  My daughter didn’t have a cell phone and wasn’t familiar with the trail.  All of her fellow group runners had already begun.  She was alone.  There was no way I was going to let my daughter disappear into a crowd of a sea of people and weave her way through 3+ miles of unfamiliar roads.  Spontaneously, I signed myself up, pinned a number to my shirt and off we went.  We ran the whole thing, but unlike her, I had not trained for it.  Did that race make me a runner?  No!  It made me a protective mother.

My point is, even some who show up for the race aren’t necessarily runners at heart.  Many people have many motives for why they do what they do.

It’s those of us who forge on, despite criticism, despite our own self-doubt, despite the rough travel and slim odds – who are truly living the dream.  The dream is the journey.

Are you living your dream today? 🙂

Sunday Driver!!

Hello!  I’ve missed writing the past two days.  They have been crazy busy, but very productive!  Today I am simply basking in the goodness of God. There are times in life when it’s hurried and harried.  That has been my normal for a while.  Today, not so.  Just relaxing and enjoying the scenery.  As I catch my breath, thought I’d write a thank-you list to God.  The Giver of all good things…

I am thankful today for:

* God’s attention to detail.  Everything really does matter to Him.

* A husband who is looking forward to dinner with me tonight – even after 22 years.

* My dear friend who gave us a dinner date tonight by wanting all of my kids for the evening!

* Children who love their mamma.  🙂

* Friends who have my back, and I theirs.

* Sleep. (It is far underrated!)

* Fun!  So enjoyed having a house full last night for a good time.

* Answered prayer.  Miracles still happen!

* Redemption – yes, of my spirit through Christ, but also in ways only God knows about and tends to…happened just yesterday.

* Hard work.  It feels good to sweat and flex my muscles.

* Laughter.  A good, long laugh cleanses the soul.

* The thousands of ways God has shown me today He loves me and knows my name.

His blessings are all around us.  Are we looking for them?

When I slow down, I notice more of His abundant blessings, because like barreling down the highway, when racing through life our peripheral is blurred.  But, the slower the car, the more clearly we see everything.  So glad to slow down and notice His presence, His peace and His care.  It’s a beautiful sight.  Today, I’m the Sunday driver who is fine to let other cars pass by, and maybe even honk at me.  I’ll let the wind mess up my hair, the sun shine on my face, and the radio drown out the honking.  Ha!

It’s All Gotta Go

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17

This weekend, my husband and I had the most fabulous time.  They were the best 2 dates we’ve been on in a while.  What did we do?  I’m glad you asked. 🙂 We…drum roll please…gutted the garage!

Doesn’t that sound fascinating?  Seriously, I am thrilled.  What began as a small pile of stuff, who knows how long ago, grew to a vast sea in which one would nearly break his or her neck to maneuver around.  I’m not sure how this happened.  Well, okay, I know.  Little things here and there that we didn’t know what to do with, coupled with no time to deal with it, led up to a space that was downright frightening because we didn’t know what could be lurking in the shadows of this dark space.

It’s no coincidence that this was how we spent our time this weekend.  As I wrote in Friday’s post, Dear God, God is transitioning my family into a new phase of life.  With that comes change.  With change comes the need for adjustments in life – tangible and intangible.

In order to be available for whatever He has next for us, we have to be ready.  Tangibly, our affairs in the garage and attic are not in order.  Have you ever felt like you just couldn’t add one more thing to your already overloaded life?  That there wasn’t time or energy to give one more new thing?

That’s exactly where I am, and so to rectify this, I have to begin with ridding the old so we can welcome the new.  Yes, it was a marvelous feeling to finally sort through the mysterious room of secrets.  As adventuresome as it may sound, most of it wound up in the back of my husband’s car to go to the dump.  (We shared a good laugh, okay, maybe I laughed at his expense, that he has to drive this dump stuff around in his car for four days before being able to go to the dump.  It’s disgusting, and he has meetings with work that may involve others seeing said stuff.  Yikes!  His six-seater is currently a two-seater.  He is a really good sport!!  Major hubby points awarded.)

This dump stuff consists of broken things we thought we could fix someday and leftover parts we just knew we could repurpose.  We had to realize those things are simply not a part of our lives anymore – they had to go.

Speaking of, we had a filing cabinet that moved with us over 15 years ago.  For that long, we weren’t sure what was in it, but it was full.  Bruce finally drilled out the lock this weekend and we found a treasure-trove of history: my original high school driver’s ed. certificate, electric bills from the 90’s, cancelled checks from almost 20 years ago, even paperwork from my beloved grandfather who passed away in 1994 – crazy!  We made a fire to “celebrate” and burned it all.

And the trash!  What in the world?  How did that happen?  Strips of drywall, various cuts of spare wood, an irreparable radio, and other oddities added up to a monstrous pile.  In our defense, we do all of the home improvements we possibly can ourselves.  We’ve laid all kinds of flooring, built stuff, painted stuff, Bruce is handy with electrical and plumbing, we refurbish and refinish, so with all of that comes an array of tools and supplies that bulk up the garage.  At this point, however, much of what is left are good intentions run a muck.  The whole thing has driven my allergies crazy!

Once everything was cleared out, we put up some shelves and arranged only what is absolutely necessary in orderly fashion.  The bulk of the work was deciding (admitting) what we had to let go of in order to move forward.  After all, arms can only hold so much.

The same clean-out is happening in my intangible life.  My heart and mind.  God is making me go through some piles in my mind and eliminate all that has nothing to do with my life now and where He is leading me.  God is showing me what I have to let go of – unhealthy memories, inadequacies, failures, fears, even some people, because hearts and minds can only hold so much.

If I drew a picture of everything I’ve allowed to build up in my heart and mind, dare I say, it would have looked much like my garage.  Little things pushed to the back of my mind that I didn’t have time or energy to deal with at the moment grew to a large pile of mental clutter weighing down my heart.  Broken dreams and expectations, even failed relationships, that I thought could be repurposed.  Refurbished.  Repaired.  No.  God is doing a new work with new parts.  Not to say He won’t or can’t repair things in us, absolutely, but when He does the work, He makes them new.  No fractures filled with Super Glue; no hearts wrapped in duct tape; no caulking the gaping holes of failure in our history.  When God restores, He makes all things new.  We weren’t meant to look pieced together like Frankenstein.  We were created to be whole and healed.  Don’t you love that?

I may feel like Humpty Dumpty in my carnal nature, but God sees me a a seamless, beautiful masterpiece because it is His hands who are forming me, creating me in His image (Philippians 1:6; Ephesians 2:10).

Some things in my mind’s eye, however, were hard to part with because because they had been with me for so long.  But you know what?  Those things, like harsh criticism from others, mean words, guilt, self-defamation, reliving embarrassing moments I wish I could erase, self-deprecation…and did I mention guilt…serve no purpose in my life now.  Where is there room for that on my mental shelves?  No.  That stuff belongs in the dump.

I realized there is also stuff taking up precious space in my heart; boxes that hold past hurts, self-imposed suffering, pain purposefully inflicted by others, and oozing wounds of a bleeding heart caught in the crossfire of faith and sin.

To our horror, we discovered a rodent of some kind had found our bag of birdseed and had been squirreling away in pockets all over the hidden parts of our garage.  Gross!  We found sunflower seed shells in small piles in the most unexpected places.  Likewise, when we don’t address the unhealthy stuff that builds up in our minds and hearts, we give the enemy a foothold – a bread crumb trail to follow to our most inner thoughts and feelings.  He will take full advantage of this and will invade space in our thoughts that was never supposed to be his (1 Peter 5:8-9).  Eradicate the bread crumb trail.  Remember, we’re not in this alone.  God isn’t afraid to go ahead of us into the dark corners of our hearts.  He shines His glory on them to unearth our original beauty and function and gives us courage and strength to face what we’ve been avoiding.

Indeed, my heart and mind did resemble my garage.  But, today is a new day and God has set my feet on a new path.  However, unlike the hours and hours of labor Bruce and I spent sorting, lifting and loading, God simply says of my heart, Give Me your hurt and exhaustion.  I will take it from you (Matthew 11:28).  I will cast your sin as far as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12).  With the suffering in your life, give Me your pain.  I am strong enough to carry it – you are not (Hebrews 4:14-15).  Trust Me to know what stays and what goes (Proverbs 3:5-6).

A new day.  A new way of thinking.  A new person emerging.  Healthy.  Healed.  Whole.  Some truths to remember…

Admonishment builds up. Unhealthy criticism breaks down.  Colossians 3:16-17; Hebrews 3:13

God lovingly disciplines those He loves.  We are not called to beat ourselves up.  Proverbs 3:11-12

Think about praiseworthy things.  Don’t dwell on bad memories or things we can’t control.  Philippians 4:8

Give God our pain and brokenness.  In return, He gives us comfort, gladness and dancing. Isaiah 61:1-3

Grow in wisdom, and don’t dwell on past ignorance. Proverbs 2:1-11

Give God our anxiety.  He wants us to rest in His peace.  Philippians 4:6-7

Think I’ll go stand in my garage today and take in the sights.  While I’m there, I’ll thank God for doing the same work in my heart.  He is so good.

That’s Not Me This Time

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  Psalm 62:5

Yeah!  It’s Sunday!  So happy to rest today.  Right now, there are birds outside my window jockeying for the best position on the bird feeder.  They are fluttering, singing and racing to see who gets what.  I say, Go for it.  I’m too tired to be that today in my life.

What a week.  A good week, but an exhausting one.  Thanking God for the Sabbath.

Hope to see you back here tomorrow for more real…deep…stuff!

Enjoy this selah day,

Kristi

Culinary Quest #7 – Banana Blueberry Bread

Blueberries are in season, and that means they are delicious at their peak and most economical (I bought them BOGO this week!).  They are great stirred into yogurt, whipped into a smoothie, or just eaten by the handful.  But, combine their tender goodness with warm banana bread and it’s a perfect match.  This marbled bread is also pretty.  It looks like it wants to be eaten. 🙂

Some breads can be overloaded with oil and sugar, making them a hybrid of bread and cake, and I feel guilty serving them for breakfast to my family.  I was able to keep the granular sugar at a reasonable level because of the natural sweetness of the bananas.

What we especially enjoy about this bread recipe is the dense, moist texture of the banana bread, yet it’s not “wet”  so it holds together nicely.  The texture is more like a pound cake, but healthier than one.  The banana flavor is tasty enough on its own.  Add the blueberries, with their juices, and a beautiful balance of sweet and tart, dense and moist perfectly compliments the crunchy top of golden crust and oats.

This recipe makes two loaves, so perhaps keep one and give one away! It also freezes well.  Great for summer mornings, work on the run, or you can make them into muffins or pour into a 9×13 dish and cut into small squares for a crowd.  Let’s get baking…

Banana Blueberry Bread

3                             eggs

3/4c                        oil

1 ½ c                      sugar

1t                            salt

2t                            cinnamon

1t                            cardamom

1 ¼ t                       baking powder

3t                            vanilla

3                              ripe bananas

3c                            flour

3c                            blueberries

1/2c                       oats (divided)

************************************************************

Preheat oven to 350 (325 convection).

In mixing bowl, cream eggs, oil & sugar with electric mixer.

Add salt, cinnamon, cardamom, baking powder & vanilla.  Mix.

Peel bananas and break into large chunks and add to bowl.  Mix.

Mix in flour just until incorporated.  Like all breads, don’t over mix or the bread will be tough & rubbery.

Using a large spoon, blend in blueberries.

Pour into 2 lightly greased loaf pans (or muffin, casserole dish, etc.)

Sprinkle equal parts (½ c each for loaf pans) oats over bread mixture.

Using a clean, dry hand, press the oats into the mixture so they stick to the bread and won’t flake off once bread is cooked.

Bake for 1hr 25 minutes (or until testing stick comes out clean) for loaf pans.  Reduce baking time depending on which pan you use (about 20 minutes for muffins and 9×13).

*** Freezing tip: My grandmother had a great trick for freezing breads.  Wrap them in plastic wrap, then wrap them in newspaper.  She did this for our wedding cake and it was just as fresh on our 1 year anniversary as it was on our wedding day!

Dear God

Good morning God,

Wow.  It’s today.  The day.  A day that marks the end of a season – an era.  A time in which I’ve wanted nothing but to be obedient to You, but often wondered if I was doing a good job.  Wondering if I was measuring that “good job” against what the world says is good, or what You say.

I accepted this task with curiosity and a sense of adventure, and what an adventure it has been!  There were more precious memories made than I could have ever imagined.  I felt sky-highs and valley-lows.  There were times when I felt so capable and courageous, and other times I couldn’t find one thing right I did in the entire day.

You were there for all of it.  The challenging, the rewarding, the mundane and the wild ride these last years have been.  I have felt much angst and worry over the responsibilities I was given, but because You constantly reminded me that You were with me, I could pass the overwhelming emotions on to You so I could concentrate on the task at hand.  Thank You for having arms big enough to carry every single one of my concerns and fears.

The journey You have led me on has produced a different person within myself.  I have never felt more loved and accepted, but I have never been more aware of the weaknesses in me.  You blended both together to create someone who believes a little more that You do love me just as I am, and that You want to flesh out what is not of You, so that Your light can shine all the brighter.

There have been many laughs, some tears, and countless memories made.  I wouldn’t trade any of them for anything in the world.  Each moment – a step closer to You.  This year, in particular, stretched me farther than I thought I could without breaking.  However, I broke and am broken.  Losing my dad in the midst of the work You set before me, and my husband’s surgery, my mother-in-law’s cancer and my back injury and the necessary work on our home in the midst of the chaos, You heard every doubt I had about doing a good job with the task You gave me.  I came to the end of myself emotionally every single day, but not once did You leave me feeling alone.

You moved heaven and earth to show me, in small and large ways, that You see, You hear, You know – and You know how to meet the need.  Through the loving, kind words and deeds of others, You whispered to me, This is from Me, too.

The chapter on this season is closing.  I find myself wondering what is next?  I want to know, but then again, I am a little afraid to ask.  Ignorance is bliss, right?  Perhaps I won’t ask You, and find peace in You revealing it in Your time.

I will miss these days.  Terribly.  I will always doubt how well I did my job, but I will never doubt how well You did Yours.

I trust that Your checklist is complete, though mine isn’t.    But then again, mine will never be – perfectionist that I am.  You are Grace.  Mercy.  Love.  Those three truths about You cover what I feel are my failures.

I have learned so much about You, life and Your plan over the last three years.  Ephesians 3:17-19 have truly come to life in my life on this journey –

…And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,  may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,  and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 

I have learned that Your will really does precede mine, even when I push for what I want.  You work for our best interest, and sometimes that required trust to have faith in Your plan.  You taught me the depth of John 3:30 –

He must become greater; I must become less.

You even reiterated a Scripture many of us would like to skip over, Philippians 2:14 –

Do everything without complaining or arguing,

You kept Your promise in James 1:5 –

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 

I celebrate You, God, and that we made it to the finish line – together.  You have been my Coach, Manager, and Cheerleader.  The work You have done is amazing.  I sit and marvel at the beautiful finish You have given me the privilege to see.

I choose to rest in knowing that You will provide for me on the days when I want to run back to this race instead of the next one that waits for me.  When I stop and think about how much I will miss parts of this journey, my heart swells and a huge lump forms in my throat.  I think to myself, I can’t take the next step.  I want things to stay just as they are.  But they can’t because we are different people now and thus, You have a different race for us to run.

You are moving on to the next venture, and I must willingly pack up my memories, wrap them with tender heartstrings, and carry them as I follow You.

I choose to stay obedient to You, Lord.  It’s not easy sometimes, because my heart gets in the way.  I have such a hard time of letting go what I hold so dear, but You say to hold out an empty hand in expectancy of what next You will bring.  I guess it’s hard for me because moments like this remind me just how short life is and how fast it moves.

But then again, with that I am also reminded that this life is not all there is.  There is another place, another home, another life waiting for me.  One that will never end.  Thank You.

So, God, here we are.  A day of celebration of what You have done – and what we have done together.  Thank You for these years, months, days and moments.  Thank You for letting me keep the memories of them as I pack up what is no longer needed, to make room for what You are bringing next in this amazing race.

I choose to trust You.  You know the ways in which I need to feel Your presence most, and You are faithful.  Psalm 117:1-2 tells me so –

Praise the Lord, all you nations; extol him, all you peoples.  For great is his love toward us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Praise the Lord.

Praise You, I will.  Gladly.  You have given me three of the best years of my life!  Not without hardship, heartache and a lot of hard work, but full of Your presence, joy, peace and faithfulness.  You are so good.

I give You this day of celebration.  You gave today to me, and I offer it back to You as an offering of these years.  May Your love shine bright, Your peace overflow and the magnificence of Your resplendent goodness be the energy of every moment, word and deed.

Precious Lord, the book of Jude says best what my heart feels, verses 24 & 25.  Thank You…for everything.

To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.  

Psalm 139…Amish-Country Style

When I visited the Amish country, I had no idea I would ever write a blog.  I feel humbled and privileged that God had in mind to put some of my photos from this trip to Scripture and post them here.  Life really is a journey, and with Him it is never boring.

Psalm 139 has been my life Scripture.  This passage has shared mountain-top highs with me and pulled my soul out of the pit.  It is a joy to offer a visual perspective of David’s incredible, tender heart in a unique way. I hope it speaks to you, too.

Psalm 139: 1-18, 23-24

Oh LORD, you have searched me and you know me.

You know when I sit

and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out

and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in – behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?  Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!  How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake, I am still with you.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.